Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. v. 6
These days, modern people are willing to keep themselves fit. Although many individuals believe that the authorities should make the laws relating to nutrition, other feel that each person should be responsible for personal health condition. Personally, in my opinion, the state should subsidise the healthy nourishment manufacturers, and individuals should be responsible for their health. On the one hand, it is true that citizens may get a benefit from a healthy lifestyle. In this case, the most important thing is consuming a nutrition. Furthermore, they should avoid unhealthy food, such as takeaways, junk food and fast foods. However, consumers' personal preferences should not be influenced by the governors. For example, if the consumers are keen to purchase unhealthy nutriments or nutrients, the state should not influence on their choice. On the other hand, authorities can prevent the people from buying such kinds of products by introducing new taxes. Furthermore, the laws regarding nutrition can prevent many negative trends among the youngsters and adults. To illustrate, many negative trends such as obesity and overeating are caused by unhealthy food. In addition, the government should build sport facilities for town dwellers where they can do exercises such as jogging and swimming. In conclusion, although many people believe that government should make laws in order to prevent citizens from negative trends, others feel that each individual should consume whatever products they want. Personally, I believe that the authorities should motivate people to keep them fit, and purchase products from reliable manufacturers and producers.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves fit. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals believe that the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the laws relating to nutrition, other feel that each person should be responsible for personal health condition.
Personally
, in my opinion, the state should
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
the healthy nourishment manufacturers, and individuals should be responsible for their health.

On the one hand, it is true that citizens may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a benefit from a healthy lifestyle.
In this case
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is consuming a nutrition.
Furthermore
, they should avoid unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, such as takeaways, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
However
, consumers' personal preferences should not
be influenced
by the governors.
For example
, if the consumers are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
unhealthy nutriments or nutrients, the state should not influence on their choice.

On the other hand
, authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from buying such kinds of products by introducing new taxes.
Furthermore
, the laws regarding nutrition can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends among the youngsters and adults. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends such as obesity and overeating
are caused
by unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should build sport facilities for town dwellers where they can do exercises such as jogging and swimming.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
citizens from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trends, others feel that each individual should consume whatever products they want.
Personally
, I believe that the authorities should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them fit, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products from reliable manufacturers and producers.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts