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Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Building on that strong base will be capable enough to bear the storms”. To begin with, Teachers are coach/mentor of students, so it’s only rely on them how they make them a good and strong personality for their better living. Firstly am completely agree with this Point that Students perform better if they rewarded and secondly in which direction it leads to positive outcome. By looking on one site, Students perform better if they are rewarded rather than penalizing. it will increase their morale and their abilities if students get a chance to know that they have the capability to do it but for this, their mentor can guide them and bring them on right path. Students need correct guidance from their base itself. After home, there is school only where students spend more time, so their learnings and mental developments starts from school only, a rewarding system can boost their enthusiasm and can lead to good achiever in their all activities wither it related to school, exams, projects or their life also. By looking on other site, if student’s morale is high and they are good achievers, then this guidance which they gained from their school time from their mentor/teachers, it will continue in their whole life as well. Motivation is essential part of this, a highly motivated students can only believe on himself and if a mentor put this factor in his soul then lifelong it will be an accountable execution in their personality. A rewarding system boost the energy of a students and push him to perform his best which is the outcome of 100% dedication from students side and then it becomes his nature to put all their efforts in projects, exams, physical activity whatever. To conclude, pattern of learning should be effective and impressive for students so, they show their interest and participate to perform at their best, to be the achiever in their group/section/class/school. A teacher and a school contributing Plethora to make a remarkable and achiever students by their effective learning and majestic pattern of study.
Building on that strong base will be capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to bear the storms”.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Teachers are coach/mentor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
rely on them how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and strong personality for their better living.

Firstly
am completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this Point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
better if they rewarded and
secondly
in which direction it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome.

By looking on one site,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
better if they
are rewarded
rather
than penalizing. it will increase their morale and their abilities if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to know that they have the capability to do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for this, their mentor can guide them and bring them on right path.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
need correct guidance from their base itself. After home, there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend more time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their learnings and mental developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
, a rewarding system can boost their enthusiasm and can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achiever in their all activities wither it related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, exams, projects or their life
also
.

By looking on other site, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
morale is high and they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievers, then this guidance which they gained from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time from their mentor/teachers, it will continue in their whole life
as well
. Motivation is essential part of this, a
highly
motivated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
believe on himself and if a mentor put this factor in his soul then lifelong it will be an accountable execution in their personality. A rewarding system boost the energy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and push him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
his best which is the outcome of 100% dedication from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
side and then it becomes his nature to put all their efforts in projects, exams, physical activity whatever.

To conclude
, pattern of learning should be effective and impressive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest and participate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
at their best, to be the achiever in their group/section/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
/school. A teacher and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
contributing Plethora to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a remarkable and achiever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by their effective learning and majestic pattern of study.

IELTS essay Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punished.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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