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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 7
Priorities in today's world, are certainly changing in which sports and entertainment personalities are paid higher than persons who contribute to the society in a greater way particularly doctors, nurses and teachers. I strongly disagree with this changing trend, the reasons which I would be discussing in this essay. " Give me the right to the nation's textbooks, I can control the next generation", these are the words of the famous dictator named Stalin. These words, rightly point to the fact that education is a major contributor to the moulding of the ensuing generation, particularly their emotional intelligence. For example, the crime rates in many African countries have reduced when the contribution of education to the GDP increased from 2 to 2. 5%. However, despite this fact, very less is done for the teachers, by the government, both in terms of legislative and monetary support. Moreover, despite studies proving that teachers have a lasting impact on the future of an individual, hardly any serious attention is paid to the low wages amongst teachers. Similarly, the doctors and nurses, the lifeblood of the heath care sector, are again shockingly paid less than 50 % of what is being earned by television celebrities, forcing them to lose their motivation to do their best at work. For instance, doctors often have long working hours and there are severe shortages in many hospitals because of the reducing number of people taking up these jobs due to the adverse working conditions and low pay scale. Furthermore, the education and healthcare sectors can be considered the pivotal pillars of any country, and the failure of these systems can have a lasting effect on generations to follow. To summarize, remuneration is a key consideration of any profession and all of them are struggling to earn a living. Hence, the government is to consider the sectors which require attention and focus government funds in the right direction.
Priorities in
today
's world, are
certainly
changing in which sports and entertainment personalities
are paid
higher than persons who contribute to the society in a greater way
particularly
doctors, nurses and teachers. I
strongly
disagree with this changing trend, the reasons which I would be discussing in this essay.

"
Give me the right to the nation's textbooks, I can control the
next
generation
"
, these are the words of the
famous
dictator named Stalin. These words,
rightly
point to the fact that education is a major contributor to the
moulding
of the ensuing generation,
particularly
their emotional intelligence.
For example
, the crime rates in
many
African countries have
reduced
when the contribution of education to the GDP increased from 2 to 2. 5%.
However
, despite this fact,
very
less
is done
for the teachers, by the
government
, both in terms of legislative and monetary support.
Moreover
, despite studies proving that teachers have a lasting impact on the future of an individual, hardly any serious attention
is paid
to the low wages amongst teachers.

Similarly
, the doctors and nurses, the lifeblood of the heath care sector, are again
shockingly
paid less than 50 % of what is
being earned
by television celebrities, forcing them to lose their motivation to do their best at work.
For instance
, doctors
often
have long working hours and there are severe shortages in
many
hospitals
because
of the reducing number of
people
taking up these jobs due to the adverse working conditions and low pay scale.
Furthermore
, the education and healthcare sectors can
be considered
the pivotal pillars of any country, and the failure of these systems can have a lasting effect on generations to follow.

To summarize
, remuneration is a key consideration of any profession and all of them are struggling to earn a living.
Hence
, the
government
is to consider the sectors which require attention and focus
government
funds in the right direction.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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