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Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. v. 4
It is a bitter truth that citizen's health is important for every nation, but not acceptable that public illness is only the responsibility of the governments. People have different opinions on this. This essay will highlight the different views and seriousness associated with it. Due to an increase in population, health is a big concern for which our government is trying to contribute more to Medicare. But as we know that people are disinterested in this issue because of a lack of time and money resulting in degradation of healthy index. For example, when Executives organize healthcare camps with good facilities of doctors, wherein they diagnose properly and provide good treatment with medicines, even though patients are not taking it on time as per their guidance then surely it will badly affect the body and become more serious. In such cases, the administration has done their duty so we can't blame them and it is our fault that we have not accepted it broadly. Is blaming anyone solving the issue? The answer is wrong. Although, the government has been assigned two-third part of their budget for this department. On the other hand, People have their opinion that everyone has their understanding of rudimentary things for physical fitness and they will try to do some regular exercise as well as yoga and various other activities which will help them to become fit. Moreover, taking the nutritions like an ample amount of fruits or vegetables which make their bones strong and improve their potential for work. In conclusion, we can say that the government is trying its best to give better options for healthcare but its individual's responsibility to take care of their it. The representative can pass certain laws and organize camps, but to follow them depends on the individual's personal choice. According to me, being unaware of health issues leads to harmful results and no one can help with this.
It is a bitter truth that citizen's health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not acceptable that public illness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions on this. This essay will highlight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views and seriousness associated with it.

Due to an increase in population, health is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
concern for which our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is trying to contribute more to Medicare.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as we know that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are disinterested
in this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a lack of time and money resulting in degradation of healthy index.
For example
, when Executives organize healthcare camps with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities of doctors, wherein they diagnose
properly
and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment with medicines,
even though
patients are not taking it on time as per their guidance then
surely
it will
badly
affect the body and become more serious. In such cases, the administration has done their duty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can't blame them and it is our fault that we have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
it
broadly
. Is blaming anyone solving the issue? The answer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has
been assigned
two-third part of their budget for this department.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have their opinion that everyone has their understanding of rudimentary things for physical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fitness and
they will try to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regular exercise
as well
as yoga and various other activities which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to become fit.
Moreover
, taking the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
like an ample amount of fruits or vegetables which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their bones strong and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their potential for work.

In conclusion
, we can say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is trying its best to give better options for healthcare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its individual's responsibility to take care of their it. The representative can pass certain laws and organize camps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to follow them depends on the individual's personal choice.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, being unaware of health issues leads to harmful results and no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with this.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some people think that public health within a country can be improved by government making laws regarding nutritious food. Others, however, think that health is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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