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Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. v.3

Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. v. 3
Due to the escalating pollution and huge population, healthy food is a great concern for many. While healthcare budget for the government is increasing each year, the public health condition, on the contrary, is deteriorating. Some opine that the government needs to pass laws regarding food intake to improve the public health, while others oppose this idea as they believe that it is a matter of individual choice. The following paragraphs will shed some light on this debate before drawing a logical conclusion. To begin with, healthy lifestyle is a choice and habit of an individual. No matter how many laws are passed and how strictly the government monitors the food quality, if a person does not follow the healthy lifestyle and eating habit, he will surely suffer from health related issues. Thus the choices of individuals greatly affect the overall health condition of a nation. To lead a healthy life citizens do not need expensive food, gym facilities, expert dieticians and so on. For instance, the rich population of a country suffers from obesity, diabetics and many other diseases that are less frequent among the middle-class people. This proves that purchasing ability and budget are not the most important aspect of a healthy life. On the other side, use of chemicals, preservatives and adhesives in food items should be totally banned and only the government can ensure that. Even after having proper diet and exercise, if people are forced to eat foods that have unexpected chemicals, they would suffer from dangerous diseases. Using unauthorised chemicals, selling expired and low-quality food should be forbidden. Infrequent market monitoring and the lack of quality control for food items are two reasons our market is full of unhygienic food items. The government's initiative can greatly reduce this unexpected corruption and crime in the food industry and market. To conclude, the citizens of a country have to practise a healthy lifestyle while the government should ensure the hygiene in food production and food sells. Both of their combined initiatives and efforts can greatly promote the public health.
Due to the escalating pollution and huge population,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a great concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. While healthcare budget for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is increasing each year, the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition,
on the contrary
, is deteriorating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to pass laws regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, while others oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as they believe that it is a matter of individual choice. The following paragraphs will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this debate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a logical conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle is a choice and habit of an individual. No matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
laws
are passed
and how
strictly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
monitors the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality, if a person does not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and eating habit, he will
surely
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
related issues.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the choices of individuals
greatly
affect the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition of a nation. To lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life citizens do not need expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, gym facilities, expert
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For instance
, the rich population of a country suffers from obesity, diabetics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other diseases that are less frequent among the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This proves that purchasing ability and budget are not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life.

On the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of chemicals, preservatives and adhesives in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items should be
totally
banned and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can ensure that. Even after having proper diet and exercise, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that have unexpected chemicals, they would suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases. Using
Possible spelling mistake. 'unauthorised' is British English.
unauthorised
chemicals, selling expired and low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be forbidden
. Infrequent market monitoring and the lack of quality control for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are two reasons our market is full of unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's initiative can
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this unexpected corruption and crime in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry and market.

To conclude
, the citizens of a country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ensure the hygiene in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sells. Both of their combined initiatives and efforts can
greatly
promote the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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