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Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. v. 1
Many people believe that government should regulate nutrition to improve public wellness, while others suppose that not only can individuals choose their food but can also be responsible for this one. The following paragraphs will shed some light on this debate before drawing a logical conclusion. On the one hand, Government plays an important role in controling food hygiene and the use of chemicals, preservatives and adhesives in food items. Using unauthorised chemicals, selling low-quality food could be forbidden by government and only the government can ensure the quality of food which can protect their citizens from suffering dangerous diseases. For example, expired, low –quality or fake food can be supervised and banned because no matter how proper is diet someone may have, unhealthy food will affect their well- being. On the other hand, Also, individual’s selection and responsibility for food are of great importance for their healthy lifestyle. First, If an individual does not follow the healthy eating habit, no one can help them to improve their health, not even the government. On top of that, Constraining dietary alternatives, even if it is done with the best result, could consequently generate disappointment among the population, which would possibly lead to other public issues such as protests and demonstrations. That is the reason why the decisions of individuals greatly pursue overall health condition of a nation. In conclusion, Despite the benefits of government in controlling nutrious food, in my view, there are good grounds for rejecting the idea that people should not have their personal choice and be responsible in the matter of food. The combination of these ideas would greatly promote the public health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should regulate nutrition to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public wellness, while others suppose that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
be responsible for this one. The following paragraphs will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this debate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
controling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
hygiene and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of chemicals, preservatives and adhesives in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. Using
Possible spelling mistake. 'unauthorised' is British English.
unauthorised
chemicals, selling low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could
be forbidden
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can ensure the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which can protect their citizens from suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.
For example
, expired, low –quality or fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
be supervised
and banned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no matter how proper is diet someone may have, unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will affect their well- being.

On the other hand
,
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
selection and responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are of great importance for their healthy lifestyle.
First
, If an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
does not follow the healthy eating habit, no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health, not even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
On top of that
, Constraining dietary alternatives, even if it
is done
with the best result, could
consequently
generate disappointment among the population, which would
possibly
lead to other public issues such as protests and demonstrations.
That is
the reason why the decisions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
greatly
pursue
overall
health condition of a nation.

In conclusion
, Despite the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in controlling
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutrious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, in my view, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grounds for rejecting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should not have their personal choice and be responsible in the matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The combination of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
would
greatly
promote the public health.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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