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Nowadays people normally stretch their work hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people’s life easier? v.1

Nowadays people normally stretch their work hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people’s life easier? v. 1
These days, workers usually have to extend their working hours beyond the conventional 9 to 5 period. This, in turn, creates negative side effects to the employees, both psychologically and physically. Let me examine the reasons for this stress at workplace, and provide some measures that employers could take in order to change the existing lifestyle of the employees into a happier one. To begin with, one of the major reasons, which make working-class people fall into a stressful life, is the heavy workload. An excessive amount of work is given to the workers from the employers’ side to finish the project in time. However, another reason is that, from the employees’ point of view, they need to secure the work by showing better performance, and also they are in a place to work for incentives in this world of skyrocketing consumer goods price. To illustrate this, a rising number of corporations offer several awards for the best performers. This, in turn, stimulates workers to work extra hours to achieve their targets. Alternatively, the employees could apply smart work approach instead of hard work, thus it would decrease the long working hours. Nevertheless, there are various measures that company directors could take to ease the lives of many. First and foremost, they could hire more employees, as the work burden can be shared among them. Moreover, bosses must take projects from the clients within a certain limit with respect to the manpower they possess. For instance, Google, an internet giant company, renders many recreational activities, such as meditation and gym at the workplace which make their employees happier people at work, according to a recent survey. These actions are the need of the hour in every organisation since they help to get rid of tension, stress, and pressure, and provide great relief. In conclusion, smart work by the employees and additional employee benefits offered by the employers not only facilitate people’s lives in a better way but also decrease working hours significantly. Therefore, I believe that happier employees and lenient employers would increase the productivity to a greater extent.
These days, workers
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
extend their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
beyond the conventional 9 to 5 period. This, in turn, creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side effects to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, both
psychologically
and
physically
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me examine the reasons for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at workplace, and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
could take in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the existing lifestyle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
into a happier one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major reasons, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fall into a stressful life, is the heavy workload. An excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the workers from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers’
side to finish the project in time.
However
, another reason is that, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
point of view, they need to secure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by showing better performance, and
also
they are in a place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for incentives in this world of skyrocketing consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
price. To illustrate this, a rising number of corporations offer several awards for the best performers. This, in turn, stimulates workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to achieve their targets.
Alternatively
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could apply smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
approach
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
thus
it would decrease the long working hours.

Nevertheless
, there are various measures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
directors could take to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
First
and foremost, they could hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
burden can
be shared
among them.
Moreover
, bosses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take projects from the clients within a certain limit with respect to the manpower they possess.
For instance
, Google, an internet giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
recreational activities, such as meditation and gym at the workplace which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, according to a recent survey. These actions are the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
in every
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of tension,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and pressure, and provide great relief.

In conclusion
, smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
benefits offered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
facilitate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a better way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
decrease working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
significantly
.
Therefore
, I believe that happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and lenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
would increase the productivity to a greater extent.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Nowadays people normally stretch their work hours and get stressed than before. What are the reasons for this? What employers can do to make people’s life easier? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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