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some people think that professionals, athletes make good role models for young people, while other believe that they do not. Discuss work views and give your opinion v.2

some people think that professionals, athletes make good role models for young people, while other believe that they do not. Discuss work views and give your opinion v. 2
Due to the rampant contemporary era, everyone wants to become a legendary personality in the world. Due to this, some people assert that professionals such as CEO, bank managers and athletes are good role models for youngsters while others condemn about this statement. I agree with the former statement. I can portray both of the views along with my opinion in the subsequent segments. As far as my views are concerned, there are innumerable reasons which are propitious with some people statement. Primarily, professionals puts a great example of themselves among the people and most of them are from small towns but rather than emphasise on lack of things, they worked hard then they are able to show the superiority among masses. Beacuse of this, some people deem that they are the role models for teenagers. Indeed, such examples give young ones the real spirit that they are also able to achieve the goal of their life and whatever the circumstances are there, they just focus on their goals not on the other trival things which are prevailing in all over the world than they definitely achieve success in their life. In the paradoxical side, some people are resistant to the statement. First and foremost, sometimes when professional like actors for athletes are failed in their work then they are very depressed and go on the wrong way such as taking drug substance to relax their mind and after a passage of time they become addicted. Hence, people avoid these types of personalities so that they do not becomes havoc for their children future, if their children copy them. However, I cogitate that professionals and athletes are the best examples for the young people. Youngsters can follow their path in which they can able to achieve success also learn many other things from them and which ruin their life so that' s they ward off themselves from these types of mistakes. To recapitulate, everyone has their own views, I do not deny any of them but I still reiteratesome people think that professionals, athletes make good role models for young people, while other believe that they do not. Discuss work views and give your opinion my opinion that legendary personalities are the best role models for the young ones, people can unearth the reality about their success and learn from them and acquire their goals
Due to the rampant contemporary era, everyone wants to become a legendary personality in the world. Due to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
such as CEO, bank managers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for youngsters while others condemn about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
. I can portray both of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
along with my opinion in the subsequent segments.

As far as my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
are concerned
, there are innumerable reasons which are propitious with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
.
Primarily
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
puts a great example of themselves among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and most of them are from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on lack of things, they worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
then they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the superiority among masses.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beacuse
of this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
deem that they are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
Indeed
, such examples give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
the real spirit that they are
also
able to achieve the goal of their life and whatever the circumstances are there, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on their goals not on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
trival
things which are prevailing in all over the world than they definitely achieve success in their life.

In the paradoxical side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are resistant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
like actors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are failed
in their work then they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
depressed and go on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way such as taking drug substance to relax their mind and after a passage of time they become addicted.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid these types of personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
Did you mean "become"?
becomes
havoc for their children future, if their children copy them.

However
, I cogitate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are the best examples for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Youngsters can follow their path in which they
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
achieve success
also
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things from them and which ruin their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s they ward off themselves from these types of mistakes.

To recapitulate, everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
, I do not deny any of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
reiteratesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe that they do not.

Discuss work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
and give your opinion my opinion that legendary personalities are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can unearth the reality about their success and learn from them and acquire their goals
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that professionals, athletes make good role models for young people, while other believe that they do not. Discuss work views and give your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
394 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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