Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 2
It has been observed that children of young age, look up to professional athletes as their role model. Some people believe that this is really good for the young people, whereas, other people believe that there are better role models for the kids, as compared to athletes. This essay will discuss why role models like professional athletes teach children about discipline, but, they also influence people towards sports that have fame attached to them. To start with, role model such as professional athlete drive young people towards sports that have fame. For example, in India, since cricket has the biggest fan following, hence it has a lot of fame and glamour attached to the sport. This results in the kid getting inspired by the media image of the profession and concentrates lesser on the training aspect of the sport. Hence, this results in the young kids learning nothing out of their role models. But, at the same time, professional athletes teach children about discipline. For example, a lot of youngsters read about the discipline that was maintained by the athlete during the initial years. This helps in encouraging younger people to be more disciplined with the sport, which actually helps in developing the quality in their personal life as well. Hence, role models such as professional athletes to help kids to develop discipline, which helps them with their life. To sum up, young people no doubt are attacted by the fame of professional athletes, which makes them blind towards the rigour required to achieve the position of a professional athlete in a sport, but, idealizing professional athlete helps in developing discipline in the kids, which is a very important skill in life. Hence, in my opinion, it can be agreed that professional athletes are great role models for young people.
It has
been observed
that children of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, look up to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whereas, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that there are better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
teach children about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they
also
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
attached to them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
.
For example
, in India, since cricket has the biggest fan following,
hence
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
and glamour attached to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. This results in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
getting inspired by the media image of the profession and concentrates lesser on the training aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Hence
, this results in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learning nothing out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, at the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
teach children about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
youngsters read about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
that
was maintained
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
during the initial years. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in encouraging younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more disciplined with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in developing the quality in their personal life
as well
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them with their life.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no doubt are
Possible spelling mistake found.
attacted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them blind towards the
Possible spelling mistake. 'rigour' is British English.
rigour
required to achieve the position of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, idealizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discipline
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in life.
Hence
, in my opinion, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
72Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts