Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v.9

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 9
Professional sportsmen and women are and have always been inspirational idols in young people’s life. In my opinion, youngsters take examples from them and attempt to become successful forthcoming people of the same type. The young generation also mimics the styles and fashions of their favourite sports person. I believe that the professional athletes can be exemplary figures for the young generation. Their persistence and perseverance are an incentive for young people. Because when children observe some people around them that attain big successes they get thrilled and fall in the desire of such resounding targets. No one can perceive this emotional reaction as a bad thing. In sequence as children get older, they carry these targets with them and also they boost ambitions by seeing other achievements of inspiring people. In addition, they proceed their educational period with these ambitions. One of the positive aspects of professional athletes' influence is that they do not only be an insight and incentive for those who wish to become a sportsperson but also they exhibit massive successes on account of at least that big efforts and hard working for other children who intend to be successful engineers, doctors or business people. Athletes are also good examples for children who are not in good condition and environment. These athletes such as Usain Bolt, Muhammed Ali and others teach to tolerate hardships and learn from those. Most successful sports people come from poverty and show their abilities that if they wish to achieve and work hard they can reach their target. To sum up, professional and successful sports people constitute a large part of children's inspirations and their perseverance and hard work help their little admirers to try and take initiatives to become like them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
sportsmen and women are and have always been inspirational idols in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. In my opinion, youngsters take examples from them and attempt to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
forthcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the same type. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
also
mimics the styles and fashions of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports person. I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes can be exemplary figures for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation.

Their persistence and perseverance are an incentive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
observe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them that attain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
successes they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
thrilled and fall in the desire of such resounding targets. No one can perceive this emotional reaction as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing. In sequence as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they carry these targets with them and
also
they boost ambitions by seeing other achievements of inspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, they proceed their educational period with these ambitions.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
athletes' influence is that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be an insight and incentive for those who wish to become a sportsperson
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they exhibit massive successes on account of at least that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
efforts and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who intend to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
engineers, doctors or business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Athletes are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition and environment. These athletes such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usain
Bolt, Muhammed Ali
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
teach
Did you mean "tolerating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to tolerate
hardships and learn from those. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poverty and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their abilities that if they wish to achieve and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they can reach their target.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constitute a large part of children's inspirations and their perseverance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
admirers to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
take initiatives to become like them.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts