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An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v.4

An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v. 4
Nowadays, there are more people who work from home and get connected to their workplace using the internet technology. The trend brings benefits for both employees and employers, and the following essay will discuss it in details. It is a fact that with the existence of internet technology and portable computer, employees could get connected to their office's server and can do their tasks.   As they have connected to their company's network, they could read and reply some emails or enter the office's working program. Besides that, they could communicate with their colleagues using chatting facilities such as Skype or instant messenger; therefore they are updated with the latest information in the office. It is obvious that this advance technology brings mutual benefits for both workers and companies. The advantage for employees is that, when they could not go to the workplace due to some unexpected events, they could still be productive by working from their home. From the employer's point of view, the existence of this technology has been positively affected to their cost. Many companies hire employees to work from their home, as it reduces the space rental fee and saves the electricity cost as well. Besides that, these companies do not have to provide transportation allowance as well for their employees. In conclusion, it is true the trend of people working from home using online technology is increasing these days. They could connect to their office's network and do their tasks from home. This development brings advantages for both the worker and the company; as it reduces the idle time of the worker, and save the company's expenses.
Nowadays, there are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work from home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected to their workplace using the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The trend brings benefits for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and employers, and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

It is a fact that with the existence of internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and portable computer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
connected to their office's server and can do their tasks.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
As they have connected to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's network, they could read and reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emails or enter the office's working program.
Besides
that, they could communicate with their colleagues using chatting facilities such as Skype or instant messenger;
therefore
they
are updated
with the latest information in the office.

It is obvious that this advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings mutual benefits for both workers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. The advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is that, when they could not go to the workplace due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, they could
still
be productive by working from their home. From the employer's point of view, the existence of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been
positively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to their cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work from their home, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the space rental fee and saves the electricity cost
as well
.
Besides
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide transportation allowance
as well
for their employees.

In conclusion
, it is true the trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working from home using online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is increasing these days. They could connect to their office's network and do their tasks from home. This development brings advantages for both the worker and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
; as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the idle time of the worker, and save the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's expenses.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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