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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v.8

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 8
As we know sports are very important in day to day life. Youngsters get more attraction towards sports and try to play the same as professional athletes. They copy them in various means like playing style, looking, hair style, speaking, body language etc. Interviews from professional athletes play an important role for all of their fans as they implement their tips and advice in their play strategies, which gives them guidance and path in becoming successful. Likewise, they learn team building, teamwork, individual effort and people management skills in their life. Yet in the response of above, we see some professional athletes involve in advertisement, movie making and promoting brands, which is basically a way to earn more money for them but it gives wrong lessons to their viewers and fans. Young people think, to be good looking, is also a part to become a successful athlete and somehow, they get distraction from their career path. Hence, many good athletes remain unsuccessful in their career path and usually switch to another domain when they face failure. Followers should understand everyone has one or other merit in himself and different style to do any work, also to be true to their work only can make them successful in their life; for Example: Mahendra Dhoni is a famous athlete and famous for his batting style and long hair style, but he is also a dedicated person towards his work which helped him to climb the success ladder. Therefore, I truly believe if something comes to lesson giving to the viewers and fans, successful people like celebrities should not give wrong lessons. They should always boost up their viewers and come up with different ideas which can help them to lead their life in the right path. Distracting youngsters in their career building age can bring serious issues for country's development and put everyone in soup.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know sports are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in day to day life. Youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attraction towards sports and try to play the same as professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. They copy them in various means like playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
, looking, hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
, speaking, body language etc.

Interviews from professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for all of their fans as they implement their tips and advice in their play strategies, which gives them guidance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
in becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Likewise
, they learn team building, teamwork, individual effort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their life.

Yet
in the response of above, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
involve in advertisement, movie making and promoting brands, which is
basically
a way to earn more money for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
lessons to their viewers and fans. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
, is
also
a part to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
and somehow, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distraction from their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
remain unsuccessful in their career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
and
usually
switch to another domain when they face failure. Followers should understand everyone has one or other merit in himself and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
to do any work,
also
to be true to their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their life;
for Example
:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mahendra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhoni
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for his batting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
and long hair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is
also
a dedicated person towards his work which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to climb the success ladder.

Therefore
, I
truly
believe if something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to lesson giving to the viewers and fans,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like celebrities should not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
lessons. They should always boost up their viewers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to lead their life in the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
path
. Distracting youngsters in their career building age can bring serious issues for country's development and put everyone in soup.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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