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In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of the crime? How can you deal with those cases? v.8

In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of the crime? How can you deal with those cases? v. 8
It has been said that the crime rate is rising worldwide in most countries. The main reasons are unemployment and the gap between rich and poor, however, providing job opportunities and helping community can be two ways to solve this. To begin with, unemployment is one the main reason for increasing crime rates. Despite having degrees, university graduates are jobless. As a result of this, they are not able to fulfil basic needs and unwillingly get dragged into crime to feed their families. To illustrate, a recent online survey shows 60% students are jobless, and ready to take up any labour work and when that too is not available crime starts with pick pocketing. Additionally, the gap between rich and poor is getting wider in countries, which creates frustration and this leads to robbery. In a UK Online survey indicates more than 70% of people, who gets stabbed while walking alone on the streets and houses, which get robbed when people are out doing parties are because of the same. There are two solutions to this problem and one of them is creating employment opportunities. Government should take some initiative to create more job facilities to fulfil basic needs of unemployed students. For example, there was a story in the Times of India about people who had benefitted applying from government portal, and it was advertised to create awareness. Moreover, rich people should help poor people in many ways like offering jobs in their organisation, and support them to start a small business as well as helping them with donations. Thus, it will not only create harmony among each other, but also crime rate will go down. In conclusion, although, the crime rate has been increased nationwide, it can be reduced by applying given solutions.
It has
been said
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is rising worldwide in most countries. The main reasons are unemployment and the gap between rich and poor,
however
, providing job opportunities and helping community can be two ways to solve this.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, unemployment is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the main reason for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Despite having degrees, university graduates are jobless.
As a result
of this, they are not able to fulfil basic needs and
unwillingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dragged into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to feed their families. To illustrate, a recent online survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
60% students are jobless, and ready to take up any
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
work and when that too is not available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with pick pocketing.
Additionally
, the gap between rich and poor is getting wider in countries, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creates
frustration and this leads to robbery. In a UK Online survey indicates more than 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stabbed while walking alone on the streets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
robbed when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are out doing parties are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same.

There are two solutions to this problem and one of them is creating employment opportunities.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more job facilities to fulfil basic needs of unemployed students.
For example
, there was a story in
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
applying from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
portal, and it
was advertised
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
awareness.
Moreover
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways like offering jobs in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, and support them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business
as well
as helping them with donations.
Thus
, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
harmony among each other,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
will go down.

In conclusion
, although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has
been increased
nationwide, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by applying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
solutions.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of the crime? How can you deal with those cases? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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