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Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion. v.5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 5
People everywhere like watching sports. Many top athletes are admired throughout their countries and some even have fans all around the world. Young people, especially, view many athletes as role models and want to emulate the way these stars dress, act and their lives. While some athletes aren’t deserving their “performance model” status, others act like appearance models and responsible community citizens. Top athletes get the attention of young people. Most children and teenagers like to follow professional sports. For many of them, star athletes represent heroes, and children want to be like their heroes. This means they want to play sports, which is good for their health. Playing sports also teaches valuable life lessons such as teamwork, discipline, goal setting and the realities of dealing with success or failure. Professional athletes demonstrate the importance of working hard to achieve a goal, or practicing regularly to become good at something. This is a good example for children to follow. However, professional athletes are not always good act models. For one thing, when young athletes reach a level of fame, it comes to media attention, large financial benefits and social attention. This can lead children to believe that money and fame are an important part of sports. Children might focus on these aspects than for the fun of the game or on the challenge of learning how to play well. Then there are those athletes who behave badly. For example, some cheat to win their game or take drugs to improve their performance. This kind of behaviour sends the wrong message to children. Athletes are people who are held at a lofty place in the society owing to their popularity and wealth. These attributes are what makes people want to look up to them and model various facets of their lives along those of the athletes. We can thus be led to conclude that professional athletes can be very good portrayal models for children, ads long as they focus on the positive aspects of playing sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
everywhere like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are admired
throughout their countries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even have fans all around the world. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
, view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
as role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to emulate the way these stars dress, act and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
aren’t deserving their “performance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model”
status, others act like appearance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
and responsible community citizens.

Top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the attention of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
like to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them, star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
represent heroes, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be like their heroes. This means they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for their health. Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
teaches valuable life lessons such as teamwork, discipline, goal setting and the realities of dealing with success or failure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
demonstrate the importance of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve a goal, or practicing
regularly
to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at something. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are not always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
. For one thing, when young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
reach a level of fame, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to media attention, large financial benefits and social attention. This can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to believe that money and fame are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
might focus on these aspects than for the fun of the game or on the challenge of learning how to play well. Then there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
who behave
badly
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cheat to win their game or take drugs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance. This kind of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
message to children.

Athletes are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are held
at a lofty place in the society owing to their popularity and wealth. These attributes are what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to look up to them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
various facets of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
along those of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
. We can
thus
be led
to conclude
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
portrayal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, ads long as they focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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