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Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree on disagree? v.3

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 3
Most of the people will be assuming that if the jail words are used while discussing with the prisoners they become more cruel. In my opinion, I disagree, because it would at least be helpful as they provide some training. When it comes to interacting with the people who are put into jail, society should not use the proverbs that would deviate their mental ability. And, it reflects their way of thinking. Replacing it, they should be motivated in a way which would be helpful so that they commit any more mistakes, which in turn reduces the crime rate. Human beings should steadily increase their thinking power so that they will gain wider knowledge about the society, Government should take some steps which should be assigned to a few individuals and make sure that each and every mankind seeks education. When it concerns with educations and job programs, if criminals are given some training which will moderately increase their thinking capability in a broader perspective. By the way, people who tend to murder the people are the pupil who does not get a good education. Another possibility for the people to become cruel is lack of money and at the same time they become lazy to go to work which in turn needs money for their daily wages and expenses. If they get proper education they will look for a certain possibility of getting some job In conclusion, I mean to say that the pupil should use some judgement which will make the prisoner think in a positive path.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be assuming that if the jail words are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
while discussing with the prisoners they become more cruel. In my opinion, I disagree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would at least be helpful as they provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to interacting with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are put
into jail, society should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the proverbs that would deviate their mental ability. And, it reflects their way of thinking. Replacing it, they should
be motivated
in a way which would be helpful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they commit any more mistakes, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the crime rate. Human beings should
steadily
increase their thinking power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will gain wider knowledge about the society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps which should
be assigned
to a few individuals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that each and every mankind seeks education.

When it concerns with educations and job programs, if criminals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training which will
moderately
increase their thinking capability in a broader perspective. By the way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who tend to murder the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the pupil who does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education.
Another possibility
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become cruel is lack of money and at the same time they become lazy to go to work which in turn needs money for their daily wages and expenses. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper education they will look for a certain possibility of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job

In conclusion
, I mean to say that the pupil should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
judgement which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the prisoner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
path.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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