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Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree on disagree? v.6

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 6
Imprisonment is a hotly-debated topic which often divides the opinion. A loin' s share of society favors it, however rest go averse it. The following paragraph would shed some light on my personal prospective with an apt example. I do not see eye to eye with the central idea, to begin with punishment there should be strict laws for any crime be it a minor one or big. Thankfully our judiciary system does have them in place. Now comes the type of crime, some crimes are actually too brutal that in such cases court has to take strict action, and give the offender an appropriate punishment. For instance, if a person has murdered his whole family after the months of planning for money or property. The family which had provided him premium education and he was already in a reputed job. In such cases, person is not committing crime because he is not educated or he has less knowledge about anything this is beyond humanity and shall be treated strictly. Secondly, another factor which should be considered closely is motive and intentions. Although a crime is committed by a juvenile, which will be considered as a young child. But if his intentions and motive is very clear, and he has not done that crime under any influence and was a planned activity. Then I believe it should not be counted as a special case and instead of giving him education and job training strict imprisonment shall be granted. As this kind of kid could be a threat to other prisoners as well those who are better and can improve themselves shall interact with him. Lastly, mental health is another point which should be taken in count. Suppose a crime is done by a person who is not mentally sound then we can treat that case with leniency but otherwise the offender should be given imprisonment as per the law without any mercy. Taking everything into consideration, my personal view points on punishment are there should be strict laws and rules for criminals, specially those are the threat to our society. Providing them education and training cannot help alone. Keeping subjectivity in mind we cannot say that one solution fits all.
Imprisonment is a
hotly
-debated topic which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
divides the opinion. A
Possible spelling mistake found.
loin&
#039; s share of society favors it,
however
rest go averse it. The following paragraph would shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on my personal prospective with an apt example.

I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye with the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with punishment there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
be it a minor one or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
.
Thankfully
our judiciary system does have them in place.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are actually too brutal that in such cases court
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
action, and give the offender an appropriate punishment.
For instance
, if a person has murdered his whole family after the months of planning for money or property. The family which had provided him premium
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
he was already in a reputed job. In such cases, person is not committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is not
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
educated or
he has less knowledge about anything this is beyond humanity and shall
be treated
strictly
.

Secondly
, another factor which should
be considered
closely
is motive and intentions. Although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is committed
by a juvenile, which will
be considered
as a young child.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if his intentions and motive is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, and he has not done that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
under any influence and was a planned activity. Then I believe it should not
be counted
as a special case and
instead
of giving him education and job training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
imprisonment shall
be granted
. As this kind of kid could be a threat to other prisoners
as well
those who are better and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves shall interact with him.

Lastly
, mental health is another point which should
be taken
in count. Suppose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is done
by a person who is not mentally sound then we can treat that case with leniency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
otherwise
the offender should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
imprisonment as per the law without any mercy.

Taking everything into consideration, my personal view points on punishment are there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for criminals,
specially
those are the threat to our society. Providing them education and training cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alone. Keeping subjectivity in mind we cannot say that one solution fits all.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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