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Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. v. 2
An increased crime rate in both the developing and the developed countries raises a question about the underlying causes. It is often thought by many that the destitution is the driving force, while others do not agree. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the former viewpoint, and I will discuss, in this essay, two main reasons to support my opinion. Firstly, it is worth mentioning that many persons accused of criminal activities have a strong financial background. Their involvement in these civil and criminal cases indicates that even wealthy persons can be a part of a crime. As a matter of fact, most of the huge frauds in history are executed by financially stable individuals. For example, the ex-prime minister of Pakistan, a renowned businessman, was removed from the public office because he was found guilty of a million dollars fraud. This conclusively demonstrates that even rich people are doing illegitimate practices. Secondly, the opportunity to commit a crime and dishonesty are contributing factors for criminal activities. In other words, when there is an opportunity to commit a crime, the chances of its occurrence will be high. However, opportunity does not work in isolation because only a dishonest person will take advantage of that opportunity. Many people do not perpetuate an illegal activity until they see an absolute opportunity and safe passage. For instance, many burglars say that they committed the crime because the house owners gave them an open opportunity. In conclusion, people may vary in their opinion; I think, poverty is not a primary reason for criminal behavior. For a crime to happen, a dishonest person would require an opportunity, and moreover, that person does not need to be in need of cash.
An increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in both the developing and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
raises a question about the underlying causes. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the destitution is the driving force, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the former viewpoint, and I will discuss, in this essay, two main reasons to support my opinion.

Firstly
, it is worth mentioning that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
accused of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities have a strong financial background. Their involvement in these civil and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases indicates that even wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
can be a part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. As a matter of fact, most of the huge frauds in history
are executed
by
financially
stable individuals.
For example
, the ex-prime minister of Pakistan, a renowned businessman,
was removed
from the public office
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
was found
guilty of a million dollars fraud. This
conclusively
demonstrates that even rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing illegitimate practices.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and dishonesty are contributing factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
In other words
, when there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, the chances of its occurrence will be high.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
does not work in isolation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a dishonest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will take advantage of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not perpetuate an illegal activity until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an absolute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
and safe passage.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
burglars say that they committed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
owners gave them an open opportunity.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion; I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, poverty is not a primary reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
behavior. For a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to happen, a dishonest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would require an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
, and
moreover
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not need to be in need of cash.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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