Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. v. 3
The latest trends show that more and more poor people are getting trapped in the vicious circle of crime. For this reason, some believe that poverty is the motivation behind this indulgence. I agree with this view. However, I do believe that factors, such as lack of education, drug addictions etc. , are equally important. First of all, poor people do not possess any assets or source of income. They are unable to afford basic necessities such as food, etc. This scarcity often becomes the motivation to follow the wrong path to earn money. A survey shows that 56% of the population of the world are poor and they hardly meet their ends. As an example, a man who needs to buy medicine for his wife, but he could not because of inadequacy of funds, is very likely to steal them from the medicine shop or might pickpocket some wealth from others. On the other hand, factors such as lack of education, narcotic addictions, friends influence etc. , are very important. Education helps a person to make the right choices in life and opens the door to multiple job opportunities. An uneducated person cannot differentiate between right and wrong because they cannot assess the damage one wrong decision can do in the long run. So, they might commit offences without thinking about the impact. Another reason is drug addiction. If an addicted person runs out of funds to buy drugs, then to get funds for drugs they start committing crimes. For example, recently a man from Punjab, had kidnapped a 4 year old boy for ransom, to pay for his drugs. To conclude, poverty is one of the many reasons that leads to crimes. There are multiple other motivations such as lack of education, drug addiction  etc. , for committing a crime.
The latest trends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that more and more poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting trapped in the vicious circle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that poverty is the motivation behind this indulgence. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.
However
, I do believe that factors, such as lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addictions etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not possess any assets or source of income. They are unable to afford
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food, etc. This scarcity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
becomes the motivation to follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path to earn money. A survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 56% of the population of the world are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
poor and
they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their ends. As an example, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
medicine for his wife,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inadequacy of funds, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to steal them from the medicine shop or might pickpocket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealth from others.

On the other hand
, factors such as lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, narcotic addictions, friends influence etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choices in life and opens the door to multiple job opportunities. An uneducated person cannot differentiate between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot assess the damage one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision can do in the long run.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they might commit
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
without thinking about the impact. Another reason is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction. If an addicted person runs out of funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
, then to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For example
, recently a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
from Punjab, had kidnapped a 4 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy for ransom, to pay for his drugs.

To conclude
, poverty is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. There are multiple other motivations such as lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
for committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts