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Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent agree or disagree. v.3

Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. v. 3
It is widely argued that people should concentrate on the present instead of arranging for the following time. Personally, although I strongly agree with this first view, but I still believe that planning for future is necessary for them. In the one hand, people should pay attention to present work based on two major reasons. Firstly, they have to focus on the present in order to complete their work by the best way. As far as I know, conducting definitely is not easy like the way they imagined, it includes numerous bitterness or hardship. Instead of planning for future, they need to get great attempt to conduct perfectly. For instance, if you are a student, you should study hard in order to attain good consequence and extend your knowledge, but not nervous about finding a job. According to the newest report, 70% adolescents yearly find a job in the early time to make profit. Hence, they always play truant to have time to other works. Moreover, planning for future is creating a pressure for them, even reducing happiness at now. For instance, Beltant Swan- famous billionaire in the world used to admit to the hospital due to depression. She suffered from pressure from worker life or company in the future making her exhausted absolutely. In the other hand, I also assume that people need to prepare for the future to motivate themselves. Actually, if they only focus on job at now, they will lose their dynamic. For example, Bill gates is successful thanks to strategy which is created when he were a college student. Thus, people should plan the most accurately in order to make progress for them. In conclusion, I think that people should combine between present works and plan in the future correctly.
It is
widely
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should concentrate on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
instead
of arranging for the following time.
Personally
, although I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
first
view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
believe that planning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is necessary for them.

In the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
based on two major reasons.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
in order to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by the best way. As far as I know, conducting definitely is not easy like the way they imagined, it includes numerous bitterness or hardship.
Instead
of planning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great attempt to conduct
perfectly
.
For instance
, if you are a student, you should study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to attain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
consequence and extend your knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not nervous about finding a job. According to the newest report, 70% adolescents yearly find a job in the early time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit.
Hence
, they always play truant to have time to other works.
Moreover
, planning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is creating a pressure for them, even reducing happiness at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beltant
Swan-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
billionaire in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to admit to the hospital due to depression. She suffered from pressure from worker life or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
making her exhausted
absolutely
.

In the other hand, I
also
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
to motivate themselves. Actually, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on job at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they will lose their dynamic.
For example
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Bill gates
is successful thanks to strategy which
is created
when he
Use third-person verb with 'he': "is" or "was".
were
a college student.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should plan the most
accurately
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress for them.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should combine between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
works and plan in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
correctly
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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