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Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. To what extent agree or disagree. v.2

Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. v. 2
Some people believe that older parents should be cured at home because they would like to express their responsibility to their old parents, and save money while others would rather let them stay in the aged care centre for better care and due to lack of time. In my opinion, I would like my old parents to stay at home for some reasons. I believe that letting aging parents stay at home will be better in terms of expense and responsibility. Firstly, offspring always love their parents, who have grown them up from babies until becoming adults, so they may feel unhappy if their parents live away from home. Secondly, it is rather costly to send them into homes for the elderly because offspring needs to pay the periodical expense, which covers fees on care, food and entertainment. However, many people claim that they don’t have much time and enough facilities to care for their aging parents at home. It may be understandable since most people have a full-time job, which requires them to contribute much of their time and energy at work. Therefore, they certainly feel tired when get home, and ignore the care of their parents. In addition, the facilities at home are not able to be compared to a care centre’s. For example, the centres have a much bigger space and full of care equipment which old people are really interested. In conclusion, to show families’ responsibility to their aging parents and to reduce costs, the old parents should be cared for at home. On the other hand, if people actually don’t have much time or look for better care conditions for their parents, they may rely on the aging care centres.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be cured
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would like to express their responsibility to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and save money while others would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them stay in the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In my opinion, I would like my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to stay at home for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

I believe that letting aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
stay at home will be better in terms of expense and responsibility.
Firstly
, offspring always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who have grown them up from babies until becoming adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may feel unhappy if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from home.
Secondly
, it is
rather
costly to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
for the elderly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
offspring needs to pay the periodical expense, which covers fees on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, food and entertainment.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that they don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home. It may be understandable since most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a full-time job, which requires them to contribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy at work.
Therefore
, they
certainly
feel tired when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In addition
, the facilities at home are not able to
be compared
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
’s.
For example
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
bigger space and full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
equipment which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
really
interested.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
families’ responsibility to their aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
costs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
be cared
for at home.
On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually don’t have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or look for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
conditions for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they may rely on the aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that planning for future is a waste of time. They believe it is more important to focus on the present. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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