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Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 3
As a human being, some sort of physical activity is important for us. They help a person to be able to get fit, healthy and active at the same time. If a person adds these in his daily routine, it circulates his blood flow and helps him to perform better in daily life. However many people have a different belief regarding sports activities. Some people believe that only physical strength is significant if one wants to perform better at sports. Because if a person has clear medical records and he is not having any illness than it is obvious that he will perform better than his opponent. He can play any type of sport and can beat others. For instance, If we look at cricketers they have to be in good shape to perform better on the field. As far as, physical health is concerned, most masses also hold the point that mental health is far more important. They believe that if a player is not mentally stable or suffering from depression then it may affect his performance. Because research also indicates that when someone is having any mental problem his brain stops getting signal his circulatory system got affected when the brain stops. In my opinion, both views are crucial. It is equally important for a sports person to mentally and physically fit at the same time. Because both play an equal role in his playing journey. One should never neglect his health, whether it is about physical or mental.
As a human being,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit, healthy and active at the same time. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
these in his daily routine, it circulates his blood flow and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in daily life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
belief regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength is significant if one wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
medical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
records and
he is not having any illness than it is obvious that he will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than his opponent. He can play any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and can beat others.
For instance
, If we look at cricketers they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
on the field.

As far as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health
is concerned
, most masses
also
hold the point that mental health is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. They believe that if a player is not mentally stable or suffering from depression then it may affect his performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
research
also
indicates that when someone is having any mental problem his brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
getting signal his circulatory system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when the brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
.

In my opinion, both views are crucial. It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to mentally and
physically
fit at the same time.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
both play an equal role in his playing journey. One should never neglect his health, whether it is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
or mental.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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