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Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. v. 2
All around the world, technology has advanced significantly. Due to technologies such as mobile phones, some believe they are having a negative impact on humans and social interacting. I agree with this statement and will outline why in this essay. Firstly, the technology sector has massively developed over many years, allowing people to have a different type of freedom, such as: communicating with friends and family worldwide, while others researching important information for studies. Although there are positives to mobile phones, there are also negatives. Due to the abundance of apps and features that are available nowadays, the mobile phone user can happily occupy themselves for many hours, therefore reducing interaction with each other. Another disruption that mobile phones have on social interaction is the large social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat that they have. Arguably, this is still a form of social interaction, however, there is a difference. Due to communicating via text message, people do not necessarily experience the one on one connection and emotion that you would feel when meeting in person. It is very important for humans to interact on a face to face basis in order to experience emotions, which result in a far greater impact on a person’s mood and personality, as well as building friendships with one another. To conclude, I absolutely agree that mobile phones are hindering social interaction and how people behave. It is so important for friends, family and people to mix with each other in person, as this can have a huge and positive impact on somebody’s attitude, personality and outlook on life.
All around the world, technology has advanced
significantly
. Due to technologies such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe they are having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on humans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interacting. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and will outline why in this essay.

Firstly
, the technology sector has
massively
developed over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of freedom, such as: communicating with friends and family worldwide, while others researching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
information for studies. Although there are positives to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, there are
also
negatives. Due to the abundance of apps and features that are available nowadays, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
user can
happily
occupy themselves for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours,
therefore
reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
with each other.

Another disruption that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
is the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat that they have.
Arguably
, this is
still
a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
,
however
, there is a difference. Due to communicating via text message,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
necessarily
experience the one on one connection and emotion that you would feel when meeting in person. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for humans to interact on a face to face basis in order to experience emotions, which result in a far greater impact on a person’s mood and personality,
as well
as building friendships with one another.

To conclude
, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are hindering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for friends, family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to mix with each other in person, as this can have a huge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on somebody’s attitude, personality and outlook on life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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