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Nowadays, an increasing number of people choose to live a single life instead of getting married. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Nowadays, an increasing number of people choose to live a single life instead of getting married. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In this day and age, robots play an important role in the daily routine for everyone. However, it not only brings us advantages, but also disadvantages. In my opinion, this trend has more drawbacks than benefits. One of the main disadvantages of robots is that using robots lead in widespread unemployment. For instance, in many factories, thousands of manual jobs have been done by robotic machines with little or no control from humans, so humans have to find a new job but it refrains. Another disadvantage is that humans as well as organizations are more likely to pay much money to maintain and repair. In particular, they unremarkably upgrade the mechanical systems of robots to keep their speed and high precision when working. On the other hand, there are numerous advantages to robots. First of all, humans will save much time via robots. For example, when humans are exhausted after hard-working, the washing machine is one of the useful robots to wash clothes without hands, and humans can get much break time. Moreover, in hospitals, some robots can help doctors discover damaged organs in patients and antiseptic instead of humans. For instance, Vietnamese inventors have successfully developed hospital disinfection robots during the COVID 19 pandemic to viral to person. Apart from that robots can complete tasks faster and more precisely than humans. An example is that calculating on big data and the percentage require high accuracy, so using the robots is the best way. In addition, robots can work in a health-threatening environment where humans can’t survive. Robots can decrease the likelihood of accidents caused by contact with machine tools or toxic chemicals. In short, there are minus points of advantages and disadvantages. However, it seems to me that it causes a lot of advantages more than the disadvantages, so we must not totally depend on them or else we could find ourselves in very dangerous situations.
In this day and age, robots play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the daily routine for everyone.
However
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disadvantages. In my opinion, this trend has more drawbacks than benefits.

One of the main disadvantages of robots is that using robots lead in widespread unemployment.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories, thousands of manual jobs have
been done
by robotic machines with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no control from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a new job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it refrains. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
as well
as organizations are more likely to pay much money to maintain and repair.
In particular
, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
unremarkably
upgrade the mechanical systems of robots to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their speed and high precision when working.

On the other hand
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to robots.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
will save much time via robots.
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are exhausted
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working, the washing machine is one of the useful robots to wash clothes without hands, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
much break time.
Moreover
, in hospitals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
robots can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
doctors discover damaged organs in patients and antiseptic
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
.
For instance
, Vietnamese inventors have
successfully
developed hospital disinfection robots during the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
COVID 19
pandemic
Did you mean "too viral to"?
to viral to
person.

Apart from that robots can complete tasks faster and more
precisely
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. An example is that calculating on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
data and the percentage require high accuracy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
using the robots is the best way.
In addition
, robots can work in a health-threatening environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can’t survive. Robots can decrease the likelihood of accidents caused by contact with machine tools or toxic chemicals.

In short, there are minus points of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages.
However
, it seems to me that it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
more than the disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
totally
depend on them or else we could find ourselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, an increasing number of people choose to live a single life instead of getting married. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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