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Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. v. 1
Should we allow elderly people above 60 on the job on not is a very big question for todays world? I mostly disagree with this approach. Let me explain why I feel that way. Firstly, a lot of people work in private industry or owns a small family business where the government can't enforce such rules and so it is out of the question for them. Given that if we enforce it on other people it will be kind of unfair to them. Secondly, our government does not have enough resources to provide pension to all such people. In such situation, working is the only option if they don't have savings. Such forced rules will make their life harder. Thirdly, I have personally seen many people at age 60 who are very healthy and perfectly capable of working. Forcing them out of work is very counter productive. Also, boredom is one of the major concerns of elderly people. Sometimes all they need is some work to pass the time. However, many people feel that older workers are very inefficient in their jobs and it is best to replace them with younger folks. I suggest to reduce working hours for older workers in such case. In many sectors like health industry, we don't have enough doctors available. Such rule would make finding doctor's appointment extremely hard. In conclusion, I feel that forcing people out of a job is not a good option. Such decision should be made on a case by case basis.
Should we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above 60 on the job on not is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
question for
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world? I
mostly
disagree with this approach.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I feel that way.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work in
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industry".
private industry
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
family business where the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can't enforce such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is out of the question for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that if we enforce it on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it will be kind of unfair to them.

Secondly
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to provide pension to all such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In such situation, working is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option if they don't have savings. Such forced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life harder.

Thirdly
, I have
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at age 60 who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy and
perfectly
capable of working. Forcing them out of work is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
counter productive
.
Also
, boredom is one of the major concerns of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
all they need is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work to pass the time.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that older workers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inefficient in their jobs and it is best to replace them with younger folks. I suggest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
working hours for older workers in such case. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors like health industry, we don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
doctors available. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
finding doctor's appointment
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

In conclusion
, I feel that forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of a job is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option. Such decision should
be made
on a case by case basis.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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