Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. v. 2
A major number of society thinks that it is not a good idea to make older people to work who are above 60. Instead, they should be retired. Although retirement is indispensable, I do not think they should be retired above the age of 60. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate it. On the one hand, there is plethora of individuals who are working over the age of 60 and also 65 and they do not care about their age because they think they are strong enough to earn. For example, in corporate companies there are people who work as an agent. Even though they are over 60 they still work to earn and live a happy life no matter what their age is. Therefore, companies should let them work until they are capable. Because they are fit and healthy. On the other hand, there are few people who are physically not fit for a job as a result of health problems. These people can be retired. For instance, There is a law, In few countries that people who are not mentally or physically fit for a particular profession should not be forced to work at all. Moreover, in such companies these people are made to retire and a pension amount is sent to their homes. Thus, before taking a decision of retirement one should know the concern about others. In conclusion, companies should encourage individuals who are willing to work even if their age is above 60. Furthermore, they should be made retired only if they have any health issues with them. In future, companies must make it clear who to retire.
A major number of society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are above 60.
Instead
, they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
. Although retirement is indispensable, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60. This essay will discuss this issue using examples to support arguments and demonstrate it.

On the one hand, there is plethora of individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 and
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
65 and
they do not care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to earn.
For example
, in corporate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an agent.
Even though
they are over 60 they
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy life no matter what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
until they are capable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they
are fit
and healthy.

On the other hand
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
physically
not fit for a job
as a result
of health problems. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
.
For instance
, There is a law, In few countries that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not mentally or
physically
fit for a particular profession should not
be forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at all.
Moreover
, in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are made
to retire and a pension amount is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to their homes.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking a decision of retirement one should know the concern about others.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should encourage individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is above 60.
Furthermore
, they should
be made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they have any health issues with them.
Did you mean: "In the future"?
In future
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
to retire.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should not work and should be made to retire. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts