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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. v. 2
It is argued that population who works later at the age of 60, will cause some troubles. The essay agrees with this statement because older people have a weak immune system and are ineffective enough to fulfil one's duties in a working community. Having a healthy body is an important thing to consider when applying for a job. During at the retirement age, most individuals are not suitable enough in performing his or her role. This sentence was supported by Doc Willie Ong in an interview conducted to him through CNN Philippines last June 2018. At some time, these groups of people are more prone to different diseases because of having a weaker immune system. According to Dr. Mayo's clinic blog about geriatric patients, it says that about 85% of the population are doing regular check ups and having maintenance medicines. If the community allows these citizens to work, it could result in an increase health risk for them. Engaging in work requires a well fitted body and an attentive mind. How can the elders concentrate with their task when they are having the problem of remembering. According to a study conducted by the Cambridge University in 2012, entitled "How to Deal Pressure and Stress in a Working Environment ", it said that one's tension was due to the pressure in a working area. Having a lot of things to think and being constrained to the deadline of the task given can increase the menace of emotional sickness. Even young generations experience this situation, how much more will it result in an elder who are weaker. If this happens, one's job will be affected in an unnecessary way. The age of 60 and above are considered senior citizens already. This is the time for elders where they should rest at their respective homes while enjoying the sunset or playing with their grandchildren. In conclusion, geriatric patients who still work at this period can lead to a serious problem on their health both in physical and emotional being. Through this, the working place will also affect.
It
is argued
that population who works later at the age of 60, will cause
some
troubles. The essay
agrees
with this statement
because
older
people
have a weak immune system and are ineffective
enough
to fulfil one's duties in a
working
community.

Having a healthy body is an
important
thing to consider when applying for a job. During at the retirement age, most individuals are not suitable
enough
in performing
his or her
role. This sentence
was supported
by Doc Willie
Ong
in an interview conducted to him through CNN Philippines last June 2018. At
some
time, these groups of
people
are more prone to
different
diseases
because
of
having
a weaker immune system. According to Dr. Mayo's clinic blog about geriatric patients, it says that about 85% of the population are doing regular
check
ups and
having
maintenance medicines. If the community
allows
these citizens to
work
, it could result in an increase health
risk
for them.

Engaging in
work
requires a well fitted body and an attentive mind. How can the elders concentrate with their task when they are
having
the problem of remembering. According to a study conducted by the Cambridge University in 2012, entitled
"
How to Deal Pressure and
Stress
in a
Working
Environment
"
, it said that one's tension was due to the pressure in a
working
area.
Having
a lot of
things to
think
and
being constrained
to the deadline of the task
given
can increase the menace of emotional sickness. Even young generations experience this situation, how much more will it result in an elder who are weaker. If this happens, one's job will be
affected
in an unnecessary way
. The age of 60 and above
are considered
senior citizens already. This is the time for elders where they should rest at their respective homes while enjoying the sunset or playing with their grandchildren.

In conclusion
, geriatric patients who
still
work
at this period can lead to a serious problem on their health both in physical and emotional being. Through this, the
working
place will
also
affect.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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