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Some people think that people should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own experience. v.1

Some people think that people should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 1
The majority of the population is moving in metro cities, small towns and other industrial area in order to get jobs, instead of farming. It will definitely result in severe effects on the farming such as, the land loss due to salt formation, food shortage etc. However, by educating people about the new agricultural techniques, its financial aspects and career prospects will be the best resolution diverting people to start farming again. Nowadays, an agriculture importance in young youth is reducing day by day due to its lower income as well as it demands extra efforts to cultivate the land. As a result, farms which are not utilized for agricultural purpose are started forming salt on the upper layer. In addition to this, people are moving away from the agriculture, causing a huge amount of the food shortage. For example, in reference to annual agricultural report 2015, published by the Government of Maharashtra clearly expounds that, 15% food shortage had registered and imported foodstuff from outside countries to compensate public needs. Nevertheless, these problems will be resolved by educating people about new techniques, new hybrid crops which are able to produce more food and its economic importance in accordance with career growth. These all solutions will definitely convince most of the population in order to initiate their land irrigation. For example, The Delhi University had taken initiative to teach people about new types of crops, its economic facts and long run benefits that will balance their life. This helped around 5 million people around the country. To conclude, most people think getting job by relocating in cities is piece of cake as compare to farming but it has its own disadvantages too. However, this problem has a solution to deal and divert people to start the farming
The majority of the population is moving in metro cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns and other industrial area in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
. It will definitely result in severe effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
such as, the land loss due to salt formation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortage etc.
However
, by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
agricultural techniques, its financial aspects and career prospects will be the best resolution diverting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
again.

Nowadays, an agriculture importance in young youth is reducing day by day due to its lower income
as well
as it demands extra efforts to cultivate the land.
As a result
, farms which are not utilized for agricultural purpose are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
forming salt on the upper layer.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving away from the agriculture, causing a huge amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortage.
For example
, in reference to annual agricultural report 2015, published by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of Maharashtra
clearly
expounds that, 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortage had registered and imported foodstuff from outside countries to compensate public needs.

Nevertheless
, these problems will
be resolved
by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
techniques,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hybrid crops which are able to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and its economic importance in accordance with career growth. These all solutions will definitely convince most of the population in order to initiate their land irrigation.
For example
, The Delhi University had taken initiative to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of crops, its economic facts and long run benefits that will balance their life. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
around 5 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the country.

To conclude
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
getting job by relocating in cities is piece of cake as compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages too.
However
, this problem has a solution to deal and divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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