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Some people think that parents should be responsible for teaching children how to be good members of society. However, other people believe that school is the place for children to learn how to be good members of society. Discuss both these views and give v.4

Some people think that parents should be responsible for teaching children how to be good members of society. However, other people believe that school is the place for children to learn how to be good members of society. 4
Moving towards the 21st century, many people are nowadays expressing a deeply concerning about the role of parents and school in children’s development. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that parents play a vital role in educating children on how to be good members of society. However, others argue convincingly that schools should take the responsibility of teaching children how to be good members of society. Therefore, some arguments both for and against this issue will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there are two main points for people to defend the former argument parents have a great contribution to the development of children in society. First of all. it is a well-documented fact that parents are considered to be the first teacher for their kids, thus they have great influences on the development of children. The most obvious example to prove is that parents should teach children the correct moral behaviors, such as how to show their respect to elderly people or how to communicate with others effectively. Furthermore, there is no doubt that children can learn from what their parents do, so they can learn an important lesson that “they get what they pay for”. For instance, parents should follow traffic rules and save the environment by reducing the use of plastic bags. On the other hand, there are two primary evidences for people to support the latter argument school is the place for children to learn how to be good members of society. First and foremost, it is commonly accepted that the role of educating is to prepare the contemporary world for children so that schools should not only teach academic subjects but also provide them with soft skills. A clear example being found to prove is that communication, problem-solving and teamwork skills are well-known to be the three most important skills for the kids to be familiar with real contexts in their future life. Equally important, there is no denying that children need to try their best to get high academic achievements, so they should be aware of the crucial lesson from what they perform with their study in their lecture. This is supported by the fact that schools should be built a score ladder to monitor the children’s attempts over time. All things considered, it is my strong belief that parents and school contribute greatly to the development of children in their future. Accordingly, I strongly recommend that governments should enhance people’s awareness in terms of the crucial role of school and parents in children’s life. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive developments of our future generations will be ensured.
Moving towards the 21st century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are nowadays expressing a
deeply
concerning about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who hold
firmly
to their belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, others argue
convincingly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should take the responsibility of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments both for and against this issue will
be addressed
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two main points for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to defend the former argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a great contribution to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a well-documented fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are considered
to be the
first
teacher for their kids,
thus
they have great influences on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The most obvious example to prove is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the correct moral behaviors, such as how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their respect to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or how to communicate with others
effectively
.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn from what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson that “they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they pay for”.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should follow traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and save the environment by reducing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of plastic bags.

On the other hand
, there are two primary evidences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to support the latter argument
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
First
and foremost, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of educating is to prepare the contemporary world for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teach academic subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them with soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example
being found
to prove is that communication, problem-solving and teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are well-known to be the three most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the kids to be familiar with real contexts in their future life.
Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, there is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high academic achievements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should be aware of the crucial lesson from what they perform with their study in their lecture. This
is supported
by the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be built
a score ladder to monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attempts over time.

All things considered, it is my strong belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
contribute
greatly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their future.
Accordingly
, I
strongly
recommend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness in terms of the crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. If this recommendation
is carried
out, the comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
of our future generations will
be ensured
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents should be responsible for teaching children how to be good members of society. However, other people believe that school is the place for children to learn how to be good members of society. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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