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Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v.2

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 2
Although there are certain amount of people who prefer their workplace, base of income with a view to ensure security for them and their siblings. This essay will discuss why money is a crucial ingredient while choosing a place of work. Instead of that, there are some other aspects to selecting a job. Without any doubt, salary is essential in order for people to survive and a great proportion of people rely on the money they get from their jobs. Most of the jobholders' pay for their housing, utility bills, food, treatment, travel, education and so on from the money they get from their employers. It is evident that if employers stop paying the employees, there would be virtually no one left to work in a company. Teaching, sports, painting, politics and research are considered to be professions where passion is more important than money. However, if there is no money at all, I have doubt that anyone would pursue these careers. However, money is not the most important concern for someone to choose a job and there are other important considerations to start and continue a job. Passion and interest to the work, for instance, drive most of the people to work. For instance, many established artists, actors, writers and scientists who have already amassed a great fortune would have stopped working if the sole purpose of working would have been the money. From my personal experience, I can say that while choosing a job people most of the time considered a job they would enjoy rather than the money they would earn from it. Other important aspects, like the job security, career prospect, work environment, relationship with the colleagues and bosses are all important to choose a job. In conclusion, I completely disregard the salary aspect of a job while choosing it. In my view, job satisfaction and career growth should be seen as the most vital aspect while making a choice between jobs.
Although there are certain
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer their workplace, base of income with a view to ensure security for them and their siblings. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a crucial ingredient while choosing a place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Instead
of that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
to selecting a job.

Without any doubt, salary is essential in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to survive and a great proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Most of the jobholders' pay for their housing, utility bills, food, treatment, travel, education and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their employers. It is evident that if employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
paying the employees, there would be
virtually
no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Teaching, sports, painting, politics and research
are considered
to be professions where passion is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at all, I have doubt that anyone would pursue these careers.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
concern for someone to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
considerations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and continue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Passion and interest to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
for instance
, drive most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
established artists, actors, writers and scientists who have already amassed a great fortune would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working if the sole purpose of working
Did you mean "had been"?
would have been
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. From my personal experience, I can say that while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
most of the time considered a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they would enjoy
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they would earn from it. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspects
, like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security, career prospect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, relationship with the colleagues and bosses are all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to choose a job.

In conclusion
, I completely disregard the salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while choosing it. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and career growth should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as the most vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aspect
while making a choice between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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