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Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v.3

Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 3
It is believed by some individuals that money should be the criteria while taking a job position, as it could be advantageous in providing secure future to the family members. In my opinion, although high salaries are required to fulfill the basic necessities of today’s life, working environment and job hours must also be taken into account, while looking for a career opportunity. To begin with, it is considered necessary to be the part of an organization that is paying high wages. With the rising living standard as well as the cost of living, individuals need a huge sum of money in order to meet the everyday expenses, such as food, clothing, rents, transportation and medical etc. For instance, without having sufficient income, one could not buy a luxurious home or get treatment from expensive private hospitals to meet the demands of the contemporary society. Furthermore, earning and saving money is beneficial to support the family after the retirement or death. Thus, the earned income plays vital role in order to live a standard life. Nevertheless, other factors, such as the helping and friendly colleagues are equally essential in the workplace. If the coworkers motivate and guide new comers in learning new pragmatic skills as well as cooperate in rectifying difficult situations, the later would feel more comfortable. To illustrate, the subordinates of Samsung Company reported that in spite of the low salary, the former remained attached to the organization from years because of the supporting staff members. In addition, suitable work hours are also of the same importance as the money in a job, as the masses could spend the rest of the day with their love ones. To conclude, the individuals should opt for a career that involved high income in order to fulfill the needs of modern community. However, not only huge salary is the key element, but the encouraging staff members and suitable job hours are also the pillars of a successful job.
It
is believed
by
some
individuals that
money
should be the criteria while taking a
job
position, as it could be advantageous in providing secure future to the family members. In my opinion, although high salaries
are required
to fulfill the
basic necessities
of
today
’s life, working environment and
job
hours
must
also
be taken
into account, while looking for a career opportunity.

To
begin
with, it
is considered
necessary to be the part of an organization
that is
paying high wages. With the rising living standard
as well
as the cost of living, individuals need a huge sum of
money
in order to
meet
the everyday expenses, such as food, clothing, rents, transportation and medical etc.
For instance
, without having sufficient income, one could not
buy
a luxurious home or
get
treatment from expensive private hospitals to
meet
the demands of the contemporary society.
Furthermore
, earning and saving
money
is beneficial to support the family after the retirement or death.
Thus
, the earned income plays vital role in order to
live
a standard life.

Nevertheless
, other factors, such as the helping and friendly colleagues are
equally
essential in the workplace. If the coworkers motivate and guide
new comers
in learning new pragmatic
skills
as well
as cooperate in rectifying difficult situations, the later would feel more comfortable. To illustrate, the subordinates of Samsung
Company
reported that
in spite of
the low salary, the former remained attached to the organization from years
because
of the supporting staff members.
In addition
, suitable work hours are
also
of the same importance as the
money
in a
job
, as the masses could spend the rest of the day with their
love ones
.

To conclude
, the individuals should opt for a career that involved high income in order to fulfill the needs of modern community.
However
, not
only
huge salary is the key element,
but
the encouraging staff members and suitable
job
hours are
also
the pillars of a successful
job
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people should choose their job based on income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor when choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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