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Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. v. 2
Free toys that are given away by fast-food joints is a sales strategy to increase the company’s sale. Unlike in the past, when companies were interested in their customers, nowadays they are only interested to reap profits. It is imperative that these companies must not be allowed to lure children by giving toys with the meal as this will further increase the consumption of unhealthy food. Children are innocent and are in no position to understand the manipulation these companies are doing to sell their unhealthy product. This is because attracted by the toys, children instead of eating a healthy meal opt for unhealthy food items such as fries and sugary drinks. Consequently, high-calorie consumption over a period of time results in weight gain, obesity and other medical ailments. Subsequently, an unhealthy body leads to an unhealthy mind and when this happens on a large scale, productivity and quality of a nation’s capital decrease. Thus, a small stimulus results in a big problem. However, by banning fast-food companies to give toys as freebies with meals, children will explore other food options available to them. Most importantly, because of the imposed ban on these freebies children will no longer crave for a particular type of food and will be willing to try some other food suggested by their parents such as fruit salads. Over time, they will develop healthy dietary habit leading to good health. Eventually, they will grow into strong and healthy adults. Therefore, an intervention is required to protect the innocent class of citizen. In conclusion, it is evident that fast-food companies are targeting the mouldable minds of children for their selfish motives, without giving much thought to the danger they create for society as a whole. If we truly wish to build a healthy nation, we need to step in and protect our children.
Free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
away by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food joints is a sales strategy to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
sale. Unlike in the past, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were interested
in their customers, nowadays they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested to reap profits. It is imperative that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to lure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
with the meal as this will
further
increase the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
food.

Children are innocent and are in no position to understand the manipulation these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are doing to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
product. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
attracted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of eating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meal opt for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items such as fries and sugary drinks.
Consequently
, high-calorie consumption over a period of time results in weight gain, obesity and other medical ailments.
Subsequently
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
body leads to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
mind and when this happens on a large scale, productivity and quality of a nation’s capital decrease.
Thus
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
stimulus results in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem.

However
, by banning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
as freebies with meals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will explore other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
options available to them. Most
importantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the imposed ban on these freebies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will no longer crave for a particular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and will be willing to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
suggested by their parents such as fruit salads. Over time, they will develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
dietary habit leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.
Eventually
, they will grow into strong and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
adults.
Therefore
, an intervention
is required
to protect the innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of citizen.

In conclusion
, it is evident that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are targeting the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mouldable
minds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their selfish motives, without giving much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
they create for society as a whole. If we
truly
wish to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nation, we need to step in and protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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