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Some people think that people should choose job based on their income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor while choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v.1

Some people think that people should choose job based on their income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor while choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 1
People consider salary to be the most important factor while selecting a job in order to ensure safety for the family. In my opinion, pay should be the most important factor while considering employment while others like job security, experience and future promotion prospects should also be considered. Salary should be an important factor while applying for a work or position as money provides a security to the family that all the basic requirements of life will be fulfilled. All the facilities like food we eat, the cars we drive, tuition fees of children and the medical treatment require money and a handsome salary can help us accomplish these tasks. For instance, every employment interview has the discussion of pay as an important and integral part of the process. The best brains are attracted by companies by offering the best pay package as the money is apparently the solution to almost every problem. There are other factors which are important in the selection of career like job security. People before applying for a contract value this factor as security of job is an important parameter. In todays` fragile time when downsizing of companies is a common trend, they may not lose job on single notice. Another aspect which is important is future promotion prospects. This is an important aspect as the promotion is an integral part of job satisfaction and is driving force for hard work. There are few departments like the traffic police in our country in which majority of people employed in one rank retire at the same rank without any promotion which causes a lot of frustration. Finally, learning and experience a person can gain from a particular contract is another important facet. In conclusion, monetary benefits of a job play an important part in its selection while other factors play secondary roles.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
consider salary to be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
while selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in order to ensure safety for the family. In my opinion, pay should be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
while considering employment while others like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
, experience and future promotion prospects should
also
be considered
.

Salary should be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
while applying for a work or position as money provides a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
to the family that all the basic requirements of life will
be fulfilled
. All the facilities like food we eat, the cars we drive, tuition fees of children and the medical treatment require money and a handsome salary can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us accomplish these tasks.
For instance
, every employment interview has the discussion of pay as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and integral part of the process. The best brains
are attracted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
by offering the best pay package as the money is
apparently
the solution to almost every problem.

There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in the selection of career like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for a contract value this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
parameter. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
` fragile time when downsizing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is a common trend, they may not lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on single notice. Another aspect which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
is future promotion prospects. This is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
aspect as the promotion is an integral part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction and is driving force for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. There are few departments like the traffic police in our country in which majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in one rank retire at the same rank without any promotion which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
frustration.
Finally
, learning and experience a person can gain from a particular contract is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
facet.

In conclusion
, monetary benefits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part in its selection while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
play secondary roles.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that people should choose job based on their income in order to provide security for their family. Do you think money is an important factor while choosing a job? What other factors should be considered? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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