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Some people think that parents have a powerful influence in a child’s life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in a child’s development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that parents have a powerful influence in a child’s life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in a child’s development. v. 2
Educators have debated whether a child’s life is significantly affected by parents more than other aspects or not. From my perspective, parents are always have important effect toward their child and no one can get rid of the influence of parents and family. Some people who are against this idea may argue that children will leave their home and live independently when they grow up. And therefore influence from outside the home such as stress from bosses or comflicts with classmates will affect an individuals’ attitude toward society and world. Even during childhood kids always was taught by teacher at school or spent time with their friends. It seems parents influence less than people who outside the home but the truth is not. One idea that has received much attention is that the majority of children tend to obtain knowledge from their parents mainly because of its convenience and utility. Although, children are able to gain knowledge from their teachers or just by themselves, parents can teach the kids a number of life skills which useful in real life. Children observe their parents and imitate parents’ behaviour and in a long-term parents’ experience will become kids’ own advantages in this complicated society. For another, parents also tend to create a favorable environment for children. Some parents have enough power to help their kids overcome obtacles and be success. Overall, to give their next generation a better life, parents will always consider everything and thus their influence will larger than any other people in kids’ life. In conclusion, I tend to believe parents have more influence to children than other factors and they always try their best to help their kids.
Educators have debated whether a child’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more than other aspects or not. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are always
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect toward their child and no one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and family.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are against this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
may argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
when they grow up. And
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
from outside the home such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
from bosses or
Possible spelling mistake found.
comflicts
with classmates will affect an individuals’ attitude toward society and world. Even during childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
always
was taught
by teacher at school or spent time with their friends. It seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who outside the home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the truth is not.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that has received much attention is that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to obtain knowledge from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience and utility. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to gain knowledge from their teachers or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by themselves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which useful in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
observe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and imitate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and in a long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
experience will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages in this complicated society. For another,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
tend to create a favorable environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
overcome
Possible spelling mistake found.
obtacles
and be success.
Overall
, to give their
next
generation a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will always consider everything and
thus
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
will larger than any other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
life.

In conclusion
, I tend to believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
factors and
they always try their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that parents have a powerful influence in a child’s life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part in a child’s development. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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