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A family has a great influence on children’s development, but the outside of home play a bigger part in children’s life. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

A family has a great influence on children’s development, but the outside of home play a bigger part in children’s life. v. 1
Nowadays, people's life becoming so easy and simple day by day. Science and technology have played tremendous role in making it smoother. Communication becomes so quick and hi-tech machines saved a lot time. I agree that science and technology is so significant to make people's life better. To begin with, people can communicate within the seconds by using different gadgets, mobile and computer. With the use of mobile and computer people can easily interact with live conference or by using Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter. Education and business are so improved using different equipments. For example, a survey done by The Times of India shows that 70% of the people using Whatsapp to chat with the others. In addition to, hi-tech machine like a computer is used for e-banking, online shopping, entertainment. Industries are well-developed with hi-tech machines. Air conditioners, water heaters are so needful in different weather. Documentation is becoming so fast just because of xerox machines, scanners, printers. There are certain vehicles which are more featured are useful in construction work. For instance, a report in 2019 indicates that 85% of the people using e-banking to avoid going bank. On the other hand, people's life becomes robotic. They are addicted to using more featured machines and gadgets. It also affects person's health physically as well as mentally. People becoming short-minded. To demonstrate, the media reported that 50% of the students spreading more time on the internet than the study. To sum up, science and technology have gifted many things to make pupil's better. I strongly agree that science has blessed us noticeably. It can be recommended that one has to take care of the negative impact of technology.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easy and simple day by day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have played tremendous role in making it smoother. Communication becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quick and hi-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
saved
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of time"?
a lot time
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life better.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate within the seconds by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gadgets, mobile and computer. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
conference or by using Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Twitter. Education and business are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
equipments.
For example
, a survey done by The Times of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
to chat with the others.

In addition
to, hi-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
like a computer is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for e-banking, online shopping, entertainment. Industries are well-developed with hi-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. Air conditioners, water heaters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
needful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
weather. Documentation is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of xerox
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, scanners, printers. There are certain vehicles which are more featured are useful in construction work.
For instance
, a report in 2019 indicates that 85% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using e-banking to avoid going bank.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life becomes robotic. They
are addicted
to using more featured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
and gadgets. It
also
affects person's health
physically
as well
as mentally.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
becoming short-minded. To demonstrate, the media reported that 50% of the students spreading more time on the internet than the study.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have gifted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pupil's better. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has blessed us
noticeably
. It can
be recommended
that one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take care of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay A family has a great influence on children’s development, but the outside of home play a bigger part in children’s life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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