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Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v.2

Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v. 2
Society is the seed of a person' s personality tree and anti-socialism as a trait has roots deep down in society. The given statement asserts what can be the causes that the society is believed to be responsible for anti-social activities by some people? The problem is adverse and so is the complexity of it' s causes. In this essay, I shall try to bring some light to the main reasons and present my opinion of the issue. Firstly, to figure out the causes we need to enlist the most prominent areas of anti-social activities. As it is quite understandable that social media is the chief conveyor of information to all people of all ages. Hence, any post or picture promoting anti-social activities can greatly influence, not only the young minds but also the adults. People often, blindly start following what they see or hear on social networks, which accounts for there lack of awareness of the surroundings. Thus, social media and unawareness can be counted as major factors and also that the society is indeed responsible for these. Another set of factors are those which have prevailed due to irresponsibility of the government. Education system is to be primarily blamed for such troubles. As these days more schools are just concerned about producing results, they often ignore the importance of social values and failures in life of a student. Young minds are more likely to indulge in unacceptable activities. Besides this unemployment, because of bad education system, has huge impacts on youth' s psychology. They tend to take out their frustration of the government by wrong doing. To conclude, I must say that society and government are equally likely responsible for the anti-social activities that have become so common. Hence, they should together try to reform and educate the youth for a better future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Society
is the seed of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s personality tree and anti-socialism as a trait has roots deep down in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement asserts what can be the causes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is believed
to be responsible for anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
? The problem is adverse and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is the complexity of
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s causes. In this essay, I shall try to bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light to the main reasons and present my opinion of the issue.

Firstly
, to figure out the causes we need to enlist the most prominent areas of anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is quite understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media is the chief conveyor of information to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages.
Hence
, any post or picture promoting anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
greatly
influence, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the young minds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the adults.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
blindly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
following what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
or hear on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks, which accounts for there lack of awareness of the surroundings.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and unawareness can
be counted
as major factors and
also
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
indeed
responsible for these.

Another set of factors are those which have prevailed due to irresponsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Education system is to be
primarily
blamed for such troubles. As these days more schools are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
concerned about producing results, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
values and failures in life of a student. Young minds are more likely to indulge in unacceptable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Besides
this unemployment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
education system, has huge impacts on
Possible spelling mistake found.
youth&
#039; s psychology. They tend to take out their frustration of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are
equally
likely responsible for the anti-social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common.
Hence
, they should together try to reform and educate the youth for a better future.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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