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Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v.3

Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 3
To become a role model to every one has a big issue of all employers as considered the balance between the job and their personal needs. It has been a huge problems that affect every employees in day-to-day life namely, workload, lack of family support, financial crisis and so on. There are many solutions to mitigate such problems by the recreational programs, family education, proper management as well. To begin with the problems affected by the employers, first concerned to the family issues such as nuclear family, single parents, distant relations so and so. second priority to the heavy works of the employers to cope with the needs and target of the company. Apart from that, workers inappropriate work schedule, shortage of staff, also affected the people to achieve their goals in job and personal often. Furthermore, managerial problems are the other causative factor of every employees who affected like, lack of salary, poor work environment, crisis of finance. Regarding such issues, solutions is not in a distance, such as family reunion, education related to the family support, proper human resource management, would beneficial to the employees to reach their goals and aim of work as well as in personal needs. Although, company benefit would be a great concern to every employees, the leaders must involve with their employees personal needs and security. They should arrange the rehabilitative programs to them to deal with the work pressure and to enhance their inner qualities in contrast to the workload. Similarly, reduce the number of nuclear families, and to establish the wide range of benefits have by the virtue of compound families. In addition, organisation would consider the personal needs of every employees and to give the wages and bonuses to them for their security and protection. In conclusion, having a balanced role in work and other lives is an inevitable position of every workers. Whereas, proper support and protection from the authority and family would get a highly improvised person in a job as well as own life. That would help the person to achieve their goals and aim in both category.
To become a role model to every one has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue of all employers as considered the balance between the job and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. It has been a huge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "problem"?
problems
that affect every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "employee"?
employees
in day-to-day life
namely
, workload, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support, financial crisis and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to mitigate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by the recreational programs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
education, proper management
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the employers,
first
concerned to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
issues such as nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, single parents, distant relations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. second priority to the heavy works of the employers to cope with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and target of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Apart from that, workers inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule, shortage of staff,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to achieve their goals in job and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
Furthermore
, managerial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are the other causative factor of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "employee"?
employees
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
like, lack of salary, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, crisis of finance.

Regarding such issues, solutions is not in a distance, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
reunion, education related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support, proper human resource management, would beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to reach their goals and aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
benefit would be a great concern to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "employee"?
employees
, the leaders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involve with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and security. They should arrange the rehabilitative programs to them to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and to enhance their inner qualities
in contrast
to the workload.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and to establish the wide range of benefits have by the virtue of compound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
In addition
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
would consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "employee"?
employees
and to give the wages and bonuses to them for their security and protection.

In conclusion
, having a balanced role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is an inevitable position of every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "worker"?
workers
. Whereas, proper support and protection from the authority and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
highly
improvised person in a job
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. That would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person to achieve their goals and aim in both category.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this delicate balance. What are the main problems people are facing? What is the best way to overcome them? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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