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Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-social way. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviour of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v.1

Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-social way. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviour of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v. 1
In the modern world where everyone is connected to each other by the Internet, it is daunting indeed to receive news from the press about anti-social people committing cruel crime around the globe. I suppose the key factor for the growth in the number of extreme anti-social behaviours is a severe income gap around the globe. Fortunately, I am convinced that there are several approaches to address the problem and one of them is an implementation of modified taxation system. One reason for their misbehaviour is the unsettling situation of income gap. We are living in a world in which only a minority of citizens have access to abundant financial resources. Sorrowfully, the horrifying situation is gradually becoming more hopeless than before. If a youngster grows up in a deprived background, he/she may be hindered from lessons taught by experienced and qualified teachers. Similarly, he may not be able to get admission in a prestigious college that requires excellent performance in the qualifying exams, namely SAT and GSCE. Consequently, he/she loses the chance of obtaining professional and transferable skills to earn a living in the fiercely competitive job market. With low job satisfaction, those in poverty are prone to resent toward the whole society and are likely to behave violently. Thus, the hardships may turn deprived ones evil because they see no prospect in their life and career. I believe that the government and legislative bodies should be involved to remedy the tragic situation. They have the crowning power and inescapable responsibility to optimize the life quality of citizens. One strategy is to optimise the process of collecting and using tax. Tax is a conventional but effective way to reshape the economic structure of a country. Provided that the relevant departments are determined to distribute the wealth of the nation in a more reasonable way, they can impose heftier tax on people whose income is extremely high and use the revenue to help those who cannot make their ends meet. Also, there can be synergy if the poor are brought up with the positive idea of gaining a satisfactory life by working. Equipped with honed skills for employment, they are more likely to find suitable jobs and attain contentment. Achieving the goal of living with dignity, the former hopeless people can be more confident about their future and therefore abandon the thought of coveting others’ benefits or physically hurting their neighbours. To summarise, the worrying trend of antisocial behaviour is provoked by the horrifying income gap at present so the government and legislative bodies should take some measures. Modifications in the taxation policy should be considered in order to settle the problem practically and financially.
In the modern world where everyone
is connected
to each other by the Internet, it is daunting
indeed
to receive news from the press about anti-social
people
committing cruel crime around the globe. I suppose the key factor for the growth in the number of extreme anti-social
behaviours
is a severe
income
gap around the globe.
Fortunately
, I
am convinced
that there are several approaches to address the problem and one of them is an implementation of modified taxation system.

One reason for their
misbehaviour
is the unsettling situation of
income
gap. We are living in a world in which
only
a minority of citizens have access to abundant financial resources.
Sorrowfully
, the horrifying situation is
gradually
becoming more hopeless than
before
. If a youngster grows up in a deprived background, he/she may
be hindered
from lessons taught by experienced and qualified teachers.
Similarly
, he may not be able to
get
admission in a prestigious college that requires excellent performance in the qualifying exams,
namely
SAT and
GSCE
.
Consequently
, he/she loses the chance of obtaining professional and transferable
skills
to earn a living in the
fiercely
competitive job market. With low job satisfaction, those in poverty are prone to resent toward the whole society and are likely to behave
violently
.
Thus
, the hardships may turn deprived ones evil
because
they
see
no prospect in their life and career.

I believe that the
government
and legislative bodies should
be involved
to remedy the tragic situation. They have the crowning power and inescapable responsibility to optimize the life quality of citizens. One strategy is to
optimise
the process of collecting and using tax. Tax is a conventional
but
effective way to reshape the economic structure of a country. Provided that the relevant departments
are determined
to distribute the wealth of the nation in a more reasonable way, they can impose heftier tax on
people
whose
income
is
extremely
high and
use
the revenue to
help
those who cannot
make
their ends
meet
.
Also
, there can be synergy if the poor
are brought
up with the
positive
idea
of gaining a satisfactory life by working. Equipped with honed
skills
for employment, they are more likely to find suitable jobs and attain contentment. Achieving the goal of living with dignity, the former hopeless
people
can be more confident about their future and
therefore
abandon the
thought
of coveting others’ benefits or
physically
hurting their
neighbours
.

To
summarise
, the worrying trend of antisocial
behaviour
is provoked
by the horrifying
income
gap at present
so
the
government
and legislative bodies should take
some
measures. Modifications in the taxation policy should
be considered
in order to settle the problem
practically
and
financially
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-social way. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviour of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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