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Nowadays, international travel has influenced travellers and nations. Do you think the problems of international travel outweigh the advantages? v.2

Nowadays, international travel has influenced travellers and nations. Do you think the problems of international travel outweigh the advantages? v. 2
From the past generation until this modern era, thanks to the advancement of transportation, its makes individuals have been traveling overseas. While I agree that this trend has undeniable disadvantages, I am of the opinion that its merits are far more significant for both tourists and countries. To start with, it is clear that traveling brought some drawbacks to the host countries and travelers. First of all, from the aspect of host country, traveler might left enormous waste and spoil the environment of the attraction in the countries where they stay. This problem cost a lot of money to dispose of waste, what is more, maintain and refurbish the environment. Secondly, the cost of living would be increase for the locals such as land, food and accommodation fees. This is explained by supply and demand rules, excessive demanding of expenses rise the value of goods and services which could make local to spend extra cost for living. This also affect to tourists who want to travel that countries, they need to consume bubbled price or unnecessary payment. On the other hand, I believe that the positive effects of international travel on host countries and tourists eclipse the negative ones. The primary advantage is that tourism could boost and stimulate the economic flow of recipient countries. Travelers activate local market hotel, activities and cuisine by which finally new jobs would be created and it could be good source of revenue for local community. At the same time, people could broaden their knowledge and horizon through meeting foreigners. According to the research, people who have traveled other countries have more open-minded than not that of, which could accept differences like race, food, religion and culture. Taking everything into account, I am convinced that although the phenomenon that people go to other countries might have a negative impact on the host countries and travelers to some extent, the advantages far overshadow the drawbacks.
From the past generation until this modern era, thanks to the advancement of transportation, its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
individuals have been traveling overseas. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this trend has undeniable disadvantages, I am of the opinion that its merits are far more significant for both tourists and countries.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that traveling brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, from the aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traveler
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
enormous waste and spoil the environment of the attraction in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they stay. This problem cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to dispose of waste,
what is more
, maintain and refurbish the environment.
Secondly
, the cost of living would be increase for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
such as land, food and accommodation fees. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by supply and demand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, excessive demanding of expenses rise the value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
to spend extra cost for living. This
also
affect to tourists who want to travel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they need to consume bubbled price or unnecessary payment.

On the other hand
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of international travel on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and tourists eclipse the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones. The primary advantage is that tourism could boost and stimulate the economic flow of recipient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelers
activate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market hotel, activities and cuisine by which
finally
new jobs would
be created
and it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source of revenue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. At the same time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could broaden their knowledge and horizon through meeting foreigners. According to the research,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have traveled other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have more open-minded than not that of, which could accept differences like race, food, religion and culture.

Taking everything into account, I
am convinced
that although the phenomenon that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelers
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, the advantages far overshadow the drawbacks.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, international travel has influenced travellers and nations. Do you think the problems of international travel outweigh the advantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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