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Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-society way, such as committing a crime. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviours of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v.2

Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-society way, such as committing a crime. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviours of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v. 2
It is certainly true that some people behave in anti-society ways has sparked out in an intense debate. There are several reasons for this problem, and various measures can be taken by governments, parents and schools to improve this situation. An anti-society behavior conducted by some people may be caused by variety of reasons. Firstly, the lack of closeness in families can have a negative effect on children. For example, in most of teenagers’ crimes the criminal is from single parent family. Secondly, in modern society, most of schools are focusing on academic subjects but ignoring moral education which caused young people judging matters in a wrong way. Finally, public medias are broadcasting more violent information to people, such as more and more criminal films appears in cinemas. The best way to solve this problem would be to combine the responsibility with parents, schools and government. Parents should be more involved with their children’s upbringing because parents will be positive role models for their children. Furthermore, Schools should aim to teach young people moral values such as tolerance and sharing so that students will behave well in the future lives. Last but not the least, government needs to control public media spreading violent information to young people. For instance, violent scenes should be limited in the files or public media. In conclusion, parents, schools and government should tackle the issue together in order to avoid committing matters happen. If these measures mentioned above are taken, few anti-social behaviors will appear in the society.
It is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave in anti-society ways has sparked out in an intense debate. There are several reasons for this problem, and various measures can
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this situation.

An anti-society behavior conducted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
be caused
by variety of reasons.
Firstly
, the lack of closeness in families can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on children.
For example
, in most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ crimes the criminal is from single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
family.
Secondly
, in modern society, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are focusing on academic subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ignoring moral education which caused young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
judging matters in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.
Finally
, public medias are broadcasting more violent information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as more and more criminal films appears in cinemas.

The best way to solve this problem would be to combine the responsibility with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should be more involved with their children’s upbringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role models for their children.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should aim to teach young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moral values such as tolerance and sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students will behave well in the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to control public media spreading violent information to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, violent scenes should
be limited
in the files or public media.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should tackle the issue together in order to avoid committing matters happen. If these measures mentioned above
are taken
, few anti-social behaviors will appear in the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Nowadays some individuals behave in an anti-society way, such as committing a crime. In general, it is the society to blame. What causes the anti-social behaviours of individuals? Who should be responsible for dealing with it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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