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Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v.1

Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v. 1
It is considered that the government ought to give financial support to school sports than in professional sports and arts for local people. In my own perspective, I completely agree that funding should be given to institution for sports. Spending on athletic activities at an institute can bring benefits to the children. One is that it can enhance better learning. This can encourage more students to show their interest to learn these activities. For instance, constructing a gymnasium or theatre stages can give excitement to them. This is a fun way of educating and as a result, they can have a productive learning experience. Another benefit is that this athletics at the academy can develop sportsmanship among students. Team work and embracing unity within the same offices is essential in the workplace. As these children become adults in the future, they are able to develop well their interpersonal skills, since they learn a lot of these from the very start, at school time. Hence, it is important that the government should fund this activity. Finally, this athletic at the academy can prevent bad vices of learners. Since some of them may have spare time, learners may try some unpleasant activities. However, when there are available play such as basketball, it can divert the attention of learners from doing an unpleasant thing like cutting class. Thus, spending on play can encourage children to go to the schoolhouse. In conclusion, the outlays of the authorities to plays at an institution can result to better learning, sportsmanship and good attitudes to learners. Therefore, I agree that this should be given funds by the state.
It
is considered
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to give financial support to school sports than in professional sports and arts for local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that funding should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to institution for sports.

Spending on athletic activities at an institute can bring benefits to the children. One is that it can enhance better learning. This can encourage more students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest to learn these activities.
For instance
, constructing a gymnasium or
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
stages can give excitement to them. This is a fun way of educating and
as a result
, they can have a productive learning experience.

Another benefit is that this athletics at the academy can develop sportsmanship among students. Team work and embracing unity within the same offices is essential in the workplace. As these children become adults in the future, they are able to develop well their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, since they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
these from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, at school time.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should fund this activity.

Finally
, this athletic at the academy can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
vices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them may have spare time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
may try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant activities.
However
, when there are available play such as basketball, it can divert the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
from doing an unpleasant thing like cutting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Thus
, spending on play can encourage children to go to the schoolhouse.

In conclusion
, the outlays of the authorities to plays at an institution can result to better learning, sportsmanship and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitudes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
funds by the state.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people think that only the society should be blamed for any anti-social activities. what are the causes for these activities? Who is responsible for them? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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