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Some people think its better to travel as part of a tour group when they are visiting a foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans so that they can travel independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? Use specific v.1

Some people think its better to travel as part of a tour group when they are visiting a foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans so that they can travel independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? Use specific v. 1
Over the last few decades, the traditional family unit has experienced significant changes in terms of how it is structured, and in the roles played by each family member. This essay will consider the nature of these changes and also discuss whether they are beneficial or harmful to families in today's society. From my perspective, there are two major differences between families in the past and now. Firstly, the role of extended family has changed dramatically. Traditionally, grandparents would often live together with their children, providing them with support such a child care. Another major change is the role of the breadwinner. In the past, men were typically expected to work while women stayed at home. These days, however, women are much more likely to have a job and support their family in this way. In my opinion, these changes have had both positive and negative impacts. The lack of support from grandparents means that parents might need to arrange babysitters for their children, which can be expensive. Furthermore, older people may become isolated from their families, contributing to loneliness. On the other hand, the changing roles of the modern family have resulted in greater freedom for women, who can now pursue a career which interests them while ensuring their family's financial security. In conclusion, I would argue that the changes experienced by families in today's society are generally positive, as women now have greater opportunities to join the workforce. However, in my view, the isolation of older people is a problem which society should attempt to address.
Over the last few decades, the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
unit has experienced significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in terms of how it
is structured
, and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
played by each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member. This essay will consider the nature of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and
also
discuss whether they are beneficial or harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.

From my perspective, there are two major differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in the past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
.
Traditionally
, grandparents would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with their children, providing them with support such a child care. Another major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of the breadwinner. In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were
typically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to work while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
stayed at home. These days,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are much more likely to have a job and support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in this way.

In my opinion, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
have had both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. The lack of support from grandparents means that parents might need to arrange babysitters for their children, which can be expensive.
Furthermore
, older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may become isolated from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, contributing to loneliness.
On the other hand
, the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have resulted in greater freedom for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
pursue a career which interests them while ensuring their family's financial security.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
experienced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society are
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have greater opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce.
However
, in my view, the isolation of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is a problem which society should attempt to address.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think its better to travel as part of a tour group when they are visiting a foreign country. Other people prefer to make their own travel plans so that they can travel independently. Which approach do you think is better and why? Use specific v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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