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Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. v. 2
Student rewards are the most common way to honour outstanding students; therefore, some people claim that only top students should be awarded. However, some people approve that it is better to award students who have their academic results improved. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and state my opinion. To begin with, there are various points which support awarding students who have gained their results. Firstly, many students show continuous efforts to go beyond their limitations in studying; it is possible that some students have obstacles during their studying semesters, such as financial status or health problems; therefore, they are deserved a prize for their significant efforts. Secondly, it motivates students who do not have an excellent learning capacity trying harder to achieve higher grades. However, there are many reasons why only top students should be awarded. School’s examinations are the basic method but effective to evaluate students’ efforts and ability; it is evident that only students who try them best will achieve high grades in the exams; therefore, top students are the most appropriate to be rewarded. Besides that, it not only encourages other students to study harder to get the prize but also creates a competitive learning environment, which is now the global tendency thanks to its positive effects on students’ results. In conclusion, both forms of awarding have its own advantages. Thus, from my perspective, I support to reward both groups of students as a prize for their efforts. However, it should be a discrimination between two forms to promote its values appropriately.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Student
rewards are the most common way to
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be awarded
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
approve that it is better to award
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have their academic results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. In this essay, I will discuss both viewpoints and state my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various points which support awarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have gained their results.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
to go beyond their limitations in studying; it is possible that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have obstacles during their studying semesters, such as financial status or health problems;
therefore
, they
are deserved
a prize for their significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
.
Secondly
, it motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not have an excellent learning capacity trying harder to achieve higher grades.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be awarded
. School’s examinations are the basic method
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective to evaluate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
and ability; it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
try them best will achieve high grades in the exams;
therefore
, top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the most appropriate to
be rewarded
.
Besides
that, it not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
encourages other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the prize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
creates a competitive learning environment, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the global tendency thanks to its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
results.

In conclusion
, both forms of awarding have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages.
Thus
, from my perspective, I support to reward both groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as a prize for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
efforts
.
However
, it should be a discrimination between two forms to promote its values
appropriately
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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