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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2
While many people are of the opinion that students who obtain outstanding academic results should be rewarded, another view shared by others is that those who endeavor to study and make great progress also deserve a reward as a form of encouragement. From my own perspective, it is my opinion that they all deserve the incentives from their places of learning. There are certain reasons for me and other people to share the opinion that awards should be given to top students. This reward system could create a highly competitive studying environment at school seeing that students often desire to win the prizes. The underlying explanation for this is that in the view of the narrow gap between them and straight A ones, these potential school children would have strong grounds to put greater effort into their study in the belief that they could be among the most excellent students in the foreseeable future, thereby receiving awards. For example, some universities usually publish their academic results in recognitions of top learners’ outstanding academic performance and offer them rewards, as well as the considerable effort put into studying by these students. This would eventually spur some students who are close to the top tier to study harder. However, I also believe that giving encouragement to those who make strides in their study results in more favorable outcomes. The reason is that this could give them a sense of equality. In other words, they could also stand a chance of getting a reward provided that they do make progress. By adopting this approach, the pupils who make academic improvements would feel that they’re on attempts also receiving recognition from their schools, thereby making more efforts to improve their studies. If school places sloe emphasis on academically excellent students and become oblivious to them, these learners would form the idea that rewards just find their own way to top students and that that fail to deserve any form of incentives form their learning places. Accordingly, this would demotivate them and they, therefore, become negligent in their study. In conclusion, in spite of various opinions about this, I still take the view that A level students, as well as, those who achieve significant progress in their academic results, are all worthy of encouragement from their educational institutions.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
obtain outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
should
be rewarded
, another view shared by others is that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
endeavor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
great progress
also
deserve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of encouragement. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, it is my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that they all deserve the incentives from their places of learning.

There are certain reasons for me and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that awards should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
system could create a
highly
competitive studying environment at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
seeing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
desire to win the prizes. The underlying explanation for this is that in the view of the narrow gap between them and straight
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "A one" or simply "ones"?
A ones
, these potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
children would have strong grounds to put greater effort into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in the belief that they could be among the most excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the foreseeable future, thereby receiving awards.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities
usually
publish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in recognitions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
learners’ outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance and offer them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
,
as well
as the considerable effort put into studying by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This would
eventually
spur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are close to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
tier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder.

However
, I
also
believe that giving encouragement to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
strides in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in more favorable outcomes. The reason is that this could give them a sense of equality.
In other words
, they could
also
stand a chance of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
provided that they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
progress. By adopting this approach, the pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
improvements would feel that they’re on attempts
also
receiving recognition from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, thereby making more efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
places sloe emphasis on
academically
excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and become oblivious to them, these learners would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and that that fail to deserve any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of incentives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
their learning places.
Accordingly
, this would demotivate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they,
therefore
, become negligent in their study.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
about this, I
still
take the view that A level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
as well
as, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve significant progress in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
, are all worthy of encouragement from their educational institutions.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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