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In many countries no longer feel the need to get married, some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.2

In many countries no longer feel the need to get married, some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 2
Nowadays, it seems to be a trend that is becoming more and more unmarried female human. While some people argue that independent finance is considered the main reason guiding the decision of being unmarried women, I completely disagree with this view In my opinion, there are several reason why some women live without a spouse or partner. Firstly, they used to be a patient’s vulnerability – their own or their parents failed relationships. Hence, they are constantly afraid of negative reiterations and lack of belief on someone. Secondly, many female human have determined to remain single because of satisfied and happy with their unmarried status. They have a sense of independence include freedom, and control over one’s one life and finances. Example many women in Vietnam choose to become single mom rather than getting marriage Whereas, I support perspectives that female human are able to earn money by their ability, it would be wrong, and almost impossible, to assert that financial security is one of the biggest reason lead to decide getting marriage or not. In fact, due to gender equality, normally women still seek a job and earn money since they have a husband or partner, even many female human have expected to become bread-winner in family. For example, some women in developed countries as America they are billionaire and independent finances however obviously they still got marriage In conclusion, it is absurd to argue that the tendency of unmarried female human is considered as a consequence of independent finance.
Nowadays, it seems to be a trend
that is
becoming more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unmarried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
is considered
the main reason guiding the decision of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unmarried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, I completely disagree with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
view


In my opinion, there are several reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without a spouse or partner.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a patient’s vulnerability
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
or their parents failed relationships.
Hence
, they are
constantly
afraid of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
reiterations and lack of belief on someone.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
have determined to remain single
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of satisfied and happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unmarried
status. They have a sense of independence include freedom, and control over one’s one life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
. Example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Vietnam choose to become single mom
rather
than getting
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
marriage


Whereas, I support perspectives that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
are able to earn money by their ability, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, and almost impossible, to assert that financial security is one of the biggest reason lead to decide getting marriage or not. In fact, due to gender equality,
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
still
seek a job and earn money since they have a husband or partner, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to become bread-winner in family.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
as America they are billionaire and independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finances
however
obviously
they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
marriage


In conclusion
, it is absurd to argue that the tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unmarried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
is considered
as a consequence of independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finance
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries no longer feel the need to get married, some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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