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Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.3

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 3
Giving encouragement is a necessary practice in every education system. In some countries, a form of awards is often given to those who achieve the highest level of academic attainment, but this is not the most desirable solution, as will now be discussed. There are those who argue that students with the best academic results should be rewarded. The core of this argument is that this may encourage students to study hard for the best grade, and that those who excel at academic performances should be praised for their efforts. However, only some students who are very smart can be able to come top in formal exams while normal students may think that they are incapable of competing with more intelligent students at all. Therefore, slow students might feel reluctant to bury themselves in study to achieve higher scores. However, I side with those who believe that schools should reward those who endeavour to study and make great improvements in the educational environment. For example, when I was a child, I often received a small gift from my parents once I scored higher than I did in the previous exam. I still remember that this did make significant contributions to my study and helped me to progress fast in the classroom. Thus, it is suggested that schools take the same action to encourage students to learn. For instance, teachers can simply pay a compliment as the recognition of the efforts that students make during the semester. In conclusion, it seems to me that schools should reward those who make academic improvements rather than those who score highest in the exam.
Giving encouragement is a necessary practice in every education system. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, a form of awards is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieve the highest level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
attainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the most desirable solution, as will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be discussed
.

There are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
results should
be rewarded
. The core of this argument is that this may encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the best grade, and that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
excel at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performances should
be praised
for their efforts.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
smart can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
top in formal exams while normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are incapable of competing with more intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at all.
Therefore
, slow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might feel reluctant to bury themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to achieve higher scores.

However
, I side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that schools should reward those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
great improvements in the educational environment.
For example
, when I was a child, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
received a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gift from my parents once I scored higher than I did in the previous exam. I
still
remember that this did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
significant contributions to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in the classroom.
Thus
, it
is suggested
that schools take the same action to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn.
For instance
, teachers can
simply
pay a compliment as the recognition of the efforts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
during the semester.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that schools should reward those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
improvements
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
score highest in the exam.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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