Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. v. 1
Some people argue that female leadership should be over male authority. It cannot be denied that during past there were fewer wars and less violence when women were in power. However, I disagree with this attitude because, wars happen due to human greed, not the gender of who leads. Principally, the major reason for disagreement with the statement is that female leadership does not mean to have a more peaceful society. Wars are not initiated by gender, rather they are a result of human greed. It is human nature to want more and more therefore, when that greed is not satisfied, conflicts happen. Moreover there were some examples in history that women as a leader caused wars such as, administration in Greece and Egypt that they showed no mercy to their enemies despite of being women. On the other hand, in today's society, people often claim that if female rules a country, it might not have any war due to less violence. Although, it would be more peaceful or more friendly, it does not necessarily mean not to have war. Additionally, history is full of examples and it will repeat. The only reason why past had fewer wars under female management is because, in older times, most people hesitated to follow a woman, as a result there were fewer wars when women were in power. In conclusion, conflicts and battles happen due to human's greediness not because of gender, also if we study through history, it can be seen that female leaders behave same as male governments and hence, reversing leadership from men to women do not mean the world to become a more powerful place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leadership should be over male authority. It cannot
be denied
that during past there were fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
and less violence when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were in power.
However
, I disagree with this attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
happen due to human greed, not the gender of who leads.

Principally
, the major reason for disagreement with the statement is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leadership does not mean to have a more peaceful society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Wars
are not initiated by gender,
rather
they are a result of human greed. It is human nature to want more and more
therefore
, when that greed is not satisfied, conflicts happen.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples in history that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as a leader caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
such as, administration in Greece and Egypt that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
no mercy to their enemies
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
being women.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claim that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
a country, it might not have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
due to less violence. Although, it would be more peaceful or more friendly, it does not
necessarily
mean not to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
war
.
Additionally
, history is full of examples and it will repeat. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason why past had fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
management is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in older times, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hesitated to follow a woman,
as a result
there were fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wars
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were in power.

In conclusion
, conflicts and battles happen due to human's greediness not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender,
also
if we study through history, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leaders behave same as male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
hence
, reversing leadership from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not mean the world to become a more powerful place.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that only the best students should be rewarded. Others, however, it is more important to reward student who show improvements. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts