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Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, others disagree with that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, others disagree with that. v. 1
Leisure moment plays a pivotal role for both emotional and physical well-being of people. Therefore, to get the most of this precious thing, a good number of individuals prefer to spend spare time randomly for exploring diverse activities and rejuvenating themselves. On the other hand, there are people who stress on proper organization for better utilization of the same time. Although both views have their own justifications, i want to agree with the later view. On the one hand, it is argued that people should enjoy their free-time without any plans and schedules. This is mainly because unlike routine jobs, the ultimate objective of enjoying off-time is to break the cycle of monotony and organized life. Consequently, if people organize these activities, it would hardly unwind themselves for their next working days. Furthermore, these activities are usually considered as free-flowing activities. Therefore, if people put time or monetary related constrains on those, it may bring unwanted pressure on people, and ultimately may make it more stressful for them. Despite the above arguments, i would argue that enjoyment of free-time tasks would be more effective if people plan it. The reason is that, when people plan ahead these programs, it may enable them to get the best of that time. For instance, in-depth working-out before a particular journey may not only help travelers to explore maximum number of majestic places but also to enjoy everything within a minimum budget. These privileges can be hardly enjoyed by those who whimsically pay visits to anywhere. Another paramount reason for emphasizing on proper consideration is the avoidance of unwanted situations. In other words, when people think in advance before off-time activities, it may enable them to avoid infavourable conditions such as extreme weather, burglaries and monetary problems. In conclusion, although unplanned fun activities are enjoyable, in-depth outline is better for both better utilization of resources and avoidance of unfortunate situations.
Leisure moment plays a pivotal role for both emotional and physical well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most of this precious thing, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of individuals prefer to spend spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
randomly
for exploring diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and rejuvenating themselves.
On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on proper organization for better utilization of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although both views have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justifications,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the later view.

On the one hand, it
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should enjoy their free-time without any plans and schedules. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
unlike routine jobs, the ultimate objective of enjoying off-time is to break the cycle of monotony and organized life.
Consequently
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
organize these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it would hardly unwind themselves for their
next
working days.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
usually
considered as free-flowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or monetary related constrains on those, it may bring unwanted pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
ultimately
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more stressful for them.

Despite the above arguments,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would argue that enjoyment of free-time tasks would be more effective if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan it. The reason is that, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan ahead these programs, it may enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, in-depth working-out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a particular journey may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
travelers to explore maximum number of majestic places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to enjoy everything within a minimum budget. These privileges can be hardly enjoyed by those who
whimsically
pay visits to anywhere. Another paramount reason for emphasizing on proper consideration is the avoidance of unwanted situations.
In other words
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in advance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
off-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, it may enable them to avoid
Possible spelling mistake found.
infavourable
conditions such as extreme weather, burglaries and monetary problems.

In conclusion
, although unplanned fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are enjoyable, in-depth outline is better for both better utilization of resources and avoidance of unfortunate situations.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, others disagree with that. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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