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Some people think that it is a good idea to have a detailed plan for activities to do in their free time. Others disagree with this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is a good idea to have a detailed plan for activities to do in their free time. Others disagree with this. v. 2
Time is the most precious currency in the modern world. Hence, a vigorous debate has been sparked over whether an elaborated plan for leisure activities in free time is the ideal method. I concur with this perspective. To begin with, proponents contend that planning for recreational activities in spare time is the optimal paradigm. This is because it assists in utilizing the time which leads to achieving coveted results as parents not only meet their personal desires but also satisfy their families’ needs. For example, when parents have a desire to workout at a gym, they make a schedule in order to exercise, and they devote a time to take their children to play at a park so that they allocate the time to fulfil the family obligation and address their personal needs. As a result, by creating a comprehensive blueprint, desired consequences will most probably be followed though. Nevertheless, those that opponents take issue with developing a detailed blueprint for their activities in the leisure time. This is due to the hectic pace of life in the contemporary world resulting in more pressure that might be added to their crammed schedule. For instance, a vast majority of people decide to travel spontaneously at the last moment of their weekend; thus, without any previous plan, they will probably spend spectacular time in a resort town with friends. Therefore, if a recreational activity is less likely to be scheduled, people tend to spend a splendid time as well. In conclusion, planning for leisure-time activity seems the most appropriate method. Consequently, this is my sentiments exactly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is the most precious currency in the modern world.
Hence
, a vigorous debate has
been sparked
over whether an elaborated plan for leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the ideal method. I concur with this perspective.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, proponents contend that planning for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the optimal paradigm. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it assists in utilizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which leads to achieving coveted results as parents not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their personal desires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
satisfy their families’ needs.
For example
, when parents have a desire to workout at a gym, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a schedule in order to exercise, and they devote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take their children to play at a park
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they allocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to fulfil the family obligation and address their personal needs.
As a result
, by creating a comprehensive blueprint, desired consequences will most
probably
be followed
though.

Nevertheless
, those that opponents take issue with developing a detailed blueprint for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This is due to the hectic pace of life in the contemporary world resulting in more pressure that might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to their crammed schedule.
For instance
, a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decide to travel
spontaneously
at the last moment of their weekend;
thus
, without any previous plan, they will
probably
spend spectacular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a resort town with friends.
Therefore
, if a recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is less likely to
be scheduled
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to spend a splendid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
.

In conclusion
, planning for leisure-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
seems the most appropriate method.
Consequently
, this is my sentiments exactly.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Some people think that it is a good idea to have a detailed plan for activities to do in their free time. Others disagree with this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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