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Some people think that older children should be required to take care of the younger children. Others think that this should be done by parents or other adults. Which do you prefer? v.2

Some people think that older children should be required to take care of the younger children. Others think that this should be done by parents or other adults. Which do you prefer? v. 2
It goes without saying that a great number of families with more than one child, rely on their first child more than the others and give them more responsibilities. The age difference between the siblings causes the parents to get help from the oldest one in taking care of youngers. Some people are inclined toward the attitude that it is unfair to put such responsibilities on older children, while others hold exactly the opposite perspective. From my vantage point, making the elders take care of the younger one is beneficial for both the parents and the children. In the following essay, I will pinpoint the most outstanding reasons. First, taking care of younger siblings is a very good practice for older ones to become more responsible and social in their ensuing lives. By taking responsibilities as young as a child, children are provided by more experiences. These experiences can be beneficial even when they grow old and become parents themselves. Consequently, it is beneficial for not only one generation but also all the upcoming generations too. For instance, my mother is the first children in her family. When she was eight years old, my uncle was born. She had to take care of her little brother and even feed him or make him sleep whenever needed. Although she married at a young age and become a mother a little while after, all the experiences, which she gained through taking care of her sibling, helped her to become a wonderful mother who raised her children without any difficulties. Second, when older children take care of the younger children, this may increase the intimacy between the siblings and lead to a warmer family. This will help the whole family to live in peace since children fight with each other less often. Besides, as children grow older this intimacy will be maintained and they would not be alone in the unfavorable world alone without support. An example drives this notion home. In the case of my mother’s family, the children really love each other and will do everything for each other. Among them, my mother as the first child is the most beloved member of the family and she is the biggest supporter of her brothers and sisters. When they face a problem, my mother is the first one from whom they get help. To wrap it up, I firmly believe that giving older children the responsibility of taking care of younger ones is an effective solution to have a happy family. Not only do the children become more responsible, but also the family will experience more intimate relationships. I myself as the first child of the family gained a lot of experiences and become more responsible. Furthermore, my sister and I are really close and have a very pleasant relationship.
It goes without saying that a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
more than the others and give them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
. The age difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
causes the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the oldest one in taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
toward the attitude that it is unfair to put such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while others hold exactly the opposite perspective. From my vantage point, making the elders take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
one is beneficial for both the parents and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In the following essay, I will pinpoint the most outstanding reasons.

First
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more responsible and social in their ensuing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. By taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
as young as a
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child
,
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children
are provided
by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
. These
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experiences
can be beneficial even when they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and
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become
parents themselves.
Consequently
, it is beneficial for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
all the upcoming generations too.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. When she was eight years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, my uncle
was born
. She had to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
brother and even feed him or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him sleep whenever needed. Although she married at a young age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
while after, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, which she gained through taking
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care
of her
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sibling
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her to
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become
a wonderful
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mother
who raised her
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children
without any difficulties.

Second, when
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older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, this may increase the intimacy between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
siblings
and lead to a warmer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fight with each
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other
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.
Besides
, as
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children
grow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
this intimacy will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
maintained and
they would not be alone in the unfavorable world alone without support. An example drives this notion home. In the case of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and will do everything for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Among them, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is the most beloved member of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
she is the biggest supporter of her brothers and sisters. When they face a problem, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
one from whom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

To wrap it up, I
firmly
believe that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is an effective solution to have a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more responsible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
more intimate relationships. I myself as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more responsible.
Furthermore
, my sister and I are
really
close and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pleasant relationship.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that older children should be required to take care of the younger children. Others think that this should be done by parents or other adults. Which do you prefer? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
468 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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