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Do you agree or disagree some people think that younger children should be taken care of by the other children in a family others think that younger children should be taken care of by their parents or other adults in their family What is your opinion and v.2

some people think that younger children should be taken care of by the other children in a family others think that younger children should be taken care of by their parents or other adults in their family What is your opinion and v. 2
It is no doubt that the children, past or present, should be taken care of when they are independent so that they could develop healthily; They should be taught about diet, garment and behavior. Therefore, when it comes to the issue that who can take care of the children better, some people argue that children should be taken care of by other children in a family, while other people hold the view that younger children should be taken care of by parents or other adults in their family. As for me, I prefer to the former one. Initially, the parents or other adult have enough experiences and ability to take good care of children. After all, parents have already experienced the stage of child, causing rich experiences and comprehension. In the other hand, parents must have the ability to tend the children such as cooking meal, doing the laundry as well as tutoring their study. Just imagine, when parents can do the things above, the children will be taken care of well and thrive. They may have enough nutrition, healthy lifestyle and even a good grade. Cause the parents know how to teach children in a scientific way, the children may be cultivated in a right direction. For example, Kunyu, a friend of mine, was admitted to the Qinghua university last summer due to the good care and education of his parents in his childhood. In that period, his parents who were well-educated and full of knowledge about parenting took good care of him, setting up the right concept and direction. So he had the achievement like this. In the other hand, if other children in the family take care of the younger children, they may make the conflict with the younger children due to the psychological immaturity. Obviously, either the children or the younger children in the family are not physically and psychologically mature. They always only know their own desire rather than consider the thoughts of others. In this way, argument and even fight may occur which may be detrimental for their growth. For example, my younger brother always compete with me to eat or play something when our parents are absent. However, once our parents come back, we may not argue with each other. Admittedly, care of parents is not without disadvantage. Sometimes they may be busy for work causing less lime for taking care of the children. Children have to take care of themselves independently. However, if we consider this way more carefully, we may find a solution of that. In this case, we can select one of our parents looking after the children, and the others could work so as to make a living for whole family. Then, what will happen? The caregiver may have enough time and energy to take care of their children. They may study how to tend children well from several sources such as book and internet, which may lead the children to thrive healthily. Based on above discussion and debate, we can draw the conclusion that younger children should be taken care of by parents, not only because parents possess more experiences and ability, but also other children in family may conflict with the younger children due to the immaturity.
It is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, past or present, should
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of when they are independent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could develop
healthily
; They should
be taught
about diet, garment and behavior.
Therefore
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the issue that who can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
adults in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. As for me, I prefer to the former one.

Initially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
adult have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experiences and ability to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
After all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have already experienced the stage of child, causing rich experiences and comprehension. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the ability to tend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
such as cooking meal, doing the laundry
as well
as tutoring their study.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can do the things above, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of well and thrive. They may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrition, healthy lifestyle and even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grade. Cause the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know how to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in a scientific way" with the adverb for "scientific"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a scientific way
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be cultivated
in a right direction.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kunyu
, a friend of mine,
was admitted
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qinghua
university last summer due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in his childhood. In that period, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who were well-educated and full of knowledge about parenting took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of him, setting up the right concept and direction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
he had the achievement like this.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the conflict with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the psychological immaturity.
Obviously
, either the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are not
physically
and
psychologically
mature. They always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
desire
rather
than consider the thoughts of others. In this way, argument and even fight may occur which may be detrimental for their growth.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
brother always compete with me to eat or play something when our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are absent.
However
, once our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back, we may not argue with each other.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is not without disadvantage.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they may be busy for work causing less lime for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of themselves
independently
.
However
, if we consider this way more
carefully
, we may find a solution of that.
In this case
, we can select one of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
looking after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and the others could work
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living for whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Then, what will happen? The caregiver may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time and energy to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They may study how to tend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
well from several sources such as book and internet, which may lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to thrive
healthily
.

Based on above discussion and debate, we can draw the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
possess more experiences and ability,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
may conflict with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the immaturity.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that younger children should be taken care of by the other children in a family others think that younger children should be taken care of by their parents or other adults in their family What is your opinion and v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
540 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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